


Seasons of Love

by NanPan86



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanPan86/pseuds/NanPan86
Summary: *Epilogue Up*Hindsight is 20/20...That’s what they say.  Join Hailey and her daughter on a path to freedom.  A year of healing and rebuilding.  AU with original characters.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton
Comments: 58
Kudos: 73





	1. Summer part 1

*trigger warning: domestic violence and mentions of rape

Summer part 1

Hailey is standing in front of the mirror in the master bedroom. The dress she is wearing is absolutely stunning. The bright ethereal white accentuates her tanned skin perfectly. From the front it looks a bit plain with the straight cut neckline and the full length fitted sleeves. The ‘Wow factor’ of the dress is the back. Or the lack of...the sleeves stop just above the shoulder and wrap around under her arm before connecting with the side of her dress again. Her back is completely exposed all the way to the small dimples of her lower back.

The dress is perfect. In more ways than one. It was strategically picked out by her husband for two reasons...to highlight her body, and to shield the bruises marring her arms and torso, as well as her legs. He never touched her face, only on rare occasions when his anger gets the best of him. Covering the bruising took too much makeup that made her look like a street walker, his words. 

God she hates him...Cade Lovette, a real life monster. She met him when she was 17 and living on the streets. At the time she had thought he saved her. He came into her life when she was at rock bottom. She had left home four months earlier and had managed to make by while the weather was warm by sleeping outside and under bridges. It wasn’t so easy when winter came. She was so cold and tired of fighting. She had broken down and accepted the fact that if she was going to survive, she needed money and the fastest way to do that was sell her body. 

Cade Lovette was the first man she had attempted to seduce. She feels insanely lucky because he says he needs her for the week and is willing to offer her $1000 if she passes the first night and then $4000 when the week is up. He doesn’t specify what she needs to do, but he shows her the money and she is reluctantly climbing into his sports car. She was so scared that her entire body was shaking. Her heart was racing, and she thought about saying no a hundred times on the way to his house. When he pulled his car into the driveway, the nerves increased, and she felt like she was going to be sick. She could do this...she has to do this.

She didn’t remember the trip from the car to the second floor of the house, but she’s suddenly in a very large and lavish bathroom.

“Strip and get in the bath.” His voice startles her, but she’s too shocked by what he said to respond. When she only stands there looking at him, he lets out an aggravated sigh and steps toward her. He reaches for her jacket and she automatically slaps his hands away. The change in him is instant. His eyes harden and he takes another menacing step towards her until she is pressed into the wall behind her, effectively caging her in. His hand moves to the column of throat and he grips tightly.

“You’re about to lose out on that money. You do as I say. It’s as simple as that.” His condescending tone has heat creeping up her neck and tears filling her eyes. What did she agree to?

“I’m paying for you and I want to see what I bought. You’ve been living on the streets for who knows how long, and if you think I’m going to touch you with filth caked on you, you’re wrong.” His other hand moves to the zipper of her jacket and lowers it. The sound echoing in the large room. “Now be a good girl and let me undress you.” 

She doesn’t know where or how she does it, but she somehow manages to find the strength to stand still while this stranger removes her clothes and then looks at her body. The lust and hunger in his eyes has her stomach roiling again, and she swallows quickly trying to calm it.

“Mmm very nice.” Cade compliments her body like he’s looking at a painting or something. He reaches out and runs a fingertip from her collarbone down to her nipple and stops there, giving it a flick. At her shocked gasp, he comments that she is very responsive and she will do nicely. “Now get in the bath and scrub yourself clean of that filth. All the makeup needs to go too.” 

She should have ran right then. She should have been smarter and less naive...but desperation makes you do funny things.

“Mama?” 

At the tiny sound of her 4 year old daughter Charlotte, Hailey pushes that night far from her mind and turns to find her just inside the room.

“Hey sweets, what are you doing out of bed?” Hailey moves toward her, intent on scooping her up and placing her back in her bed. If Cade sees her awake it will not be good.

“My belly hurts mama.” Charlotte’s lips form a little pout and her chin quivers just before she gets sick all down the side of Hailey’s dress. She lets out a pitiful moan and then begins to cry.

Hailey carries her quickly in the bathroom ignoring the mess on herself to deal with her daughter. She tries to hurry and be as quiet as possible so her husband won’t hear, but it doesn’t matter. He finds them just as Hailey is changing Charlotte into a new nightgown.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” His voice is sharp and hard, and all Hailey wants to do is get him out of their daughters room. “I told you before not to coddle her...I won’t have her turn out to be a whiny bitch like you.”

“She’s sick Cade, she doesn’t feel well.” It’s then that he sees the ruined dress and Hailey knows it’s going to get bad. She tries to walk towards the door in hopes of moving both of them away, but he yanks her back with a fistful of her hair. He’s so forceful that her feet are lifted off the ground and she grips the hand in her hair tightly trying to lessen the pain. 

“Do you know how expensive that dress was?” He rattles her body like she weighs nothing and then he roughly shoes her to the floor.

“Get up.” The quite barely controlled way he says it sends fear rippling through Hailey’s body, and her palms go clammy as she hears him taking his belt off.

“Cade please...it was an accident...I can change and then we can go.” She tries to reason with him. Tries to shift his focus, but it doesn’t work. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Charlotte curled tight in a ball on her bed. Her eyes are flickering fearfully between her mother and father.

The sound of the belt cutting through the air is the only warning she has before pain is blooming across her side and lower back. She barely has time to gasp out in pain before a second and third blow land on her body. She tries to crawl towards the door, wanting to shield her daughter from the awful things she knows are coming.

“Stupid fucking whore! I spent weeks designing this dress for you and you let that little brat ruin it!” The belt continues to fall and Hailey knows he is drawing blood. She can feel the warmth dripping down her sides and under to her stomach. She doesn’t speak, knowing it will only make him madder. She endures.

She looses track of time as he beats her, and her body is numb to the searing pain of the belt now. She simple lays there on the floor, shivering and covered in her own blood. It isn’t until the belt stops and the sound of his zipper being released that she begins to struggle. She can’t let her daughter see this. She needs to get them out of the room. She can survive this, she has before, but he has never done this in front of Charlotte. She pushes to her hands and knees and tries to stand but Cade pulls the portion of the dress at her lower back and the delicate fabric shreds in his hands.

“Please don’t. Not like this Cade, not here. Please!” She knows it will only make it worse, but she has to try. He back hands her hard enough that her teeth snap together and she has to press her lips together to keep from crying out. Then he is dragging her to the floor and when she continues to struggle he slams his fist into the side of her face and she blacks out.

He’s grunting and gripping her hips tightly as he ruts against her, defiling her body yet again when she comes to. She wants to scream and fight him off her. How could he do this to her in front of their daughter? She closes her eyes and prays he finishes quickly, and then she feels his rhythm falter and he groans and collapses on her back. His breath is hot against her ear as he tell her that’s all she will ever be good for and then he standing and righting his clothes.

“Next time you’ll take the belt, little shit.” He slides the belt through the loops on his trousers as he looks at Charlotte. “I think you need to remember why you’re here Hailey, and that I only tolerate her to keep you in line. Don’t think I won’t change my mind and get rid of her. I have no use for her anyway.” When she doesn’t answer, he yanks her up off the floor and grips her chin roughly. “Do you understand?”

He smiles darkly at her frantic nod and then like a light switch was flipped, he is tenderly brushing his thumb under her rapidly swelling eye. 

“Oh Hailey...why can’t you just be a good little wife to me and do as I say? Why do you force my hand?” He presses his mouth against hers and she tries to stop the disgusted shivers that take over her body. Past experiences taught her that fighting the kiss will lead to more, so she accepts it and while she isn’t willingly participating, her mouth is pliant and soft against his trying to appease him.

“Looks like you’ll have to miss the party after all. I’ll tell our guests you’ve had to leave on a last minute retreat. Clean this mess up.” And then he is leaving her standing naked in their daughters room like he didn’t just destroy both of their lives.

She wants to go to Charlotte, to hold her and tell her she’s okay and that she is so sorry for what just happened, but all she can think about is his hands on her body and the blood still trickling down her back, and the stickiness between her thighs. She needs to shower and dress before she touches her daughter. She rushes from the room and quickly takes a scalding shower scrubbing herself roughly. There are no tears, she is too numb and far too broken for them.

Once she is dressed she returns to Charlottes room and finds her in the same position she was in. She doesn’t acknowledge her in any way. It’s like she doesn’t even see or hear her. It scares Hailey and she gently pulls her daughter into her arms and just rocks her.

She needs to leave. She needs to take her daughter and get out of this nightmare. She had only tired once before, and he had beaten her so badly that it had taken her nearly two full months to recover. He had had to hire and pay off private doctors to see to her. She decides she needs to try, because tonight was the first time he has done these things in front of Charlotte and it will only be a matter of time before Cade will try to hit her, and she will not let that happen.

She tells Charlotte to get her backpack and pack her little elephant and some books and a few small toys. She’s relieved when Charlotte slides off the bed to do as she asks. Hailey’s backpack is full of clothes and toiletries for Charlotte and herself. She takes both bags and rushes outside to stash them in the bushes at the end of the driveway. When she comes back inside, she goes back into Charlottes room and pulls the carved wooden toy box from the corner. She pulls the the grate from the floor and reaches inside for the coffee can hidden inside. 

She was always going to leave, she just didn’t think it would happen like this. She has been saving any money she could since Charlotte was born. There’s probably close to $30,000.00 inside. She sold some of the older jewelry Cade had given her whenever possible, and would take $5-$20 out as cash back. She had to be careful obviously, if he found out what she was doing he would probably kill her. She pulls all the cash out and quickly organizes it and then shoves it into another small backpack that also has a gun Hailey had managed to trade for two years ago. She had kept it buried in the ground by the mailbox. She doesn’t want to use it, but she will if it comes down to it. 

She tells Charlotte they are going on an adventure tonight, and that they will need to leave in the middle of the night. Her lack of response has Hailey’s stomach tightening with worry once again. She holds her daughter and waits for Cade to come home. He needs to see them tonight before she can leave. Days seem to pass before she hears the sounds of his feet on the stairs. Her heart races and and she forces her breathing to remain calm as the door is opened. She cautiously watches as he steps into the room and checks the floor for any lingering sings of his attack on her. He makes a sound of disgust when he looks at the bed and sees her there, but he thankfully just leaves the room and goes into their room. 

She checks her watch and sees is just after 2:00am in the morning. She waits another hour to make sure he is fully asleep and then she quietly wakes Charlotte and gets her shoes on. She lifts her up and grabs the small bag with the gun and cash from the hamper and carefully makes her way downstairs. She quickly enters the garage and exits through the side door. She wishes she could take a car, but they are so flashy that Cade would easily be able to track it.

She keeps to the tree line, walking for hours while carrying her silent daughter. She feels weak. Her chest hurts. It feels like her heart is going to explode out of her body. She wants to rest, to stop and sit, but she knows it’s not nearly far enough, not even close to long enough. She needs to keep moving no matter how tired she is or how heavy her limbs are, or that the dampness gathering at the base of her spine is probably more blood than sweat at this point. If she stops she will die. He will find her and she will never see her daughter again. So she pushes on. She forces all thoughts of how exhausted she is out of her mind and she pictures her daughters smiling face. 

The sun is just starting to rise when she makes it to the next town over. Her legs feel like they might collapse under her at any second, and she stifles the urge to weep when her arms cramp up as she sets Charlotte down in front of the bus station. She keeps her hair as much in front of her face as she can, and buys two tickets to Portland. She sees an elderly couple approaching the counter and stops them and asks them if they can buy two additional tickets to wherever they are headed. She offers them extra cash for their trouble which they refuse, and she finds her eyes blinking quickly to stem the tears from their kindness. The tickets are to Chicago. She’s never been there, but she hopes it will be a fresh start for both of them.


	2. Summer 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I promise this story is not all bad! It’s about healing and love too.~Nan

It takes two full days to reach Chicago by bus from Los Angeles. Two whole days and her daughter hadn’t said a single word. It happened once before, when Charlotte had just started learning how to talk. Cade had thrown a dish at Hailey and while it missed, some shards had ricocheted off the wall and dug into her arm. Charlotte had seen it all from her high chair. Hailey called the pediatrician and had listened as she explained that sometimes children deal with certain traumas differently. That even at such a young age, children are aware there are things out of their control so they try to control what they can. 

It still breaks her heart. Hailey blames herself. She should have fought harder. She should have tried to shield Charlotte that night. She should have gotten out sooner. 

She sometimes wishes that she had never met Cade, and then she looks at her daughter and crushing guilt fills her chest. She loves her. More than she ever thought it was possible to love another being, and while she despises Cade, he also gave her Charlotte.

They spend the first couple of days in a hotel until Hailey manages to find a safe place to stay. They are using money faster than she had hoped. The bus tickets had cost nearly $200 a ticket, and the hotel room is about $90 a night. She needs a job, but she needs to have an address for that, so finding a place to stay was definitely top priority. She sees a flyer for a garage apartment at a coffee shop next to the hotel they are staying at. She knows she won’t be able to afford a house and finding a decent apartment in a building would cost more money than she would like.

The small one bedroom apartment that sits above a garage turns out to be perfect. When she had called the number on the flyer, she almost hung up the phone when the man on the other end answered. His voice was scratchy and sounded rough, and Hailey couldn’t stop the flutter of fear in her stomach. 

She was extremely hesitant about bringing Charlotte along, but she had no choice, so she finds herself on yet another bus. The neighborhood looks nice enough, and Hailey keeps telling herself it doesn’t have to be permanent. She just needs a starting point.

It’s a short walk from the bus stop to the address she hastily scribbled on a napkin. Charlotte walks quietly beside her, her little elephant clutched tightly in her hand. Hailey keeps a firm grip on her and is constantly looking over her shoulder and scanning the cars that pass by. She’s constantly on edge and she knows it shows. The permanent dark circles under her eyes mock her every time she looks in the mirror, and the swelling and sickly green and purple bruising really doesn’t help the matter.

She takes a deep breath ands steps onto the walkway toward the house. She likes that the house and the garage both seem to be well maintained, and though there is not much in the way of outdoor decoration, there are some beautiful rose bushes lining the front of the house.

Before she makes it to the porch, the front door opens and an older man with tightly cropped grayish hair steps out.

“You must be Hailey.” He walks down the steps to introduce himself and notices immediately the bruising on her face that she had clearly failed to hide with cheap makeup. He doesn’t come any closer when he sees her step in front of her daughter like she is shielding her from him.

“You are Hailey, right?” He puts his hands in his pockets, trying not to seem threatening in any way. She reminds him of a wounded animal, and he doesn’t want to spook her.

“I’m Hailey.” It’s all she offers him. She stays where she is, Charlotte tucked behind her.

“Well...I’m Hank Voight. I’m who you spoke with on the phone the other day. You want to take a look at the place?” He leads the way towards the stairs of the garage. “This is the main entry, but there’s a door in the back that goes to a sliding ladder in case of a fire. I’ve got an AC unit coming too. The one they sent was broken so the replacement should be here next week. It’ll be a little warm up here until then, but I can put some window fans in until it gets here.”

Hank takes them on the very short tour in less that 10 minutes, and the whole time he watches the two of them. They stick close together, neither speaking. Now that he thinks of it, the little girl hasn’t said a single word the entire time. Her large blue eyes that match her mothers, take everything in.

“It’s not a lot of space, but the neighborhood is good people and there’s three cops that live on this block including me.” Something about the way she acts has him mentioning the fact that cops live here, trying to make her feel safe. It seems to have the opposite effect though because she’s gone pale and her eyes scan the street like she’s planning to escape. 

Hailey battles the panic bubbling inside her. This place had seemed perfect, but now with the cops it seems less so. Cade had had the cops in his pocket back in LA and he had reminded her repeatedly that nobody would believe her if she tried to report him, not to mention she was a willing prostitute when they met, so it wouldn’t end well for her. She wills herself to stay calm. This isn’t LA, these aren’t the same people.

“I don’t want to pressure you, but I’ve gotten some other calls about the apartment. Mostly college kids looking for a cheap place not too far from campus. I’d rather it go to someone who needs it though.” 

“I don’t need your charity. I can find somewhere else if you already have someone looking at it.” The words are harsh, and she somehow manages to say it with more conviction than she thought she could find at the moment, even though her heart is sinking on the inside. She won’t find another place like this for the price he is offering, plus its furnished. She keeps her jaw set as she stares at him, waiting for him to tell her she’s too late.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Those kids are offered housing on campus...the only reason they want a place like this is because they can’t have alcohol in the dorms. That’s what I meant. They don’t actually need this place, but it seems like maybe you do.” He tosses the keys into his other hand and then holds them out to her. “It’s yours if you want it.” 

Hailey tucks her lips tightly together to stop them from trembling. She’s not familiar with people being nice to her and she hates how uneasy it makes her feel. A tugging motion on her sweatshirt has her looking down to see Charlotte pointing at an old tire swing in the small backyard to the side of the garage. It’s the first time Charlotte has acted even a little bit like her four year old self and it has Hailey straightening and facing Hank once again.

“I’ll take it.”

Later, after what Hailey hopes is the last bus ride for a while, she sits in the small living room with a glass of water. Charlotte had fallen right asleep after bath time, and Hailey had tucked her into the surprisingly comfortable bed. The events of the last week finally seemed to have caught up to her and it takes her a moment to realize that the water splashing onto her arms and the tops of her legs are her own tears. The grief she feels closes in on her and it feels like she is drowning. Years of humiliation and terror pour out with every tear and ragged breath until she has to stifle the sobs with her fists so her sleeping daughter doesn’t hear.

She is so tired. She wishes she could sleep, just turn her mind off for a couple of hours but it never seems to happen. She is terrified that if she goes to sleep, she will wake up and still be trapped in that nightmare of her life. So she stays awake and lets the tears fall.

Hailey and Charlotte stay inside for two days. Mostly because of heavy rain, but also because after the emotional release of the other night, Hailey had fallen asleep and hadn’t woken again until the sun was low in the sky again. She had slept for nearly ten straight hours. Ten hours and she had left Charlotte to fend for herself during that time. 

Hailey feels like a terrible mother as she walks with her daughter to the grocery store the next day. They hadn’t been able to go yesterday with the rain so they had eaten slices of cheese on stale bread. She couldn’t believe she had slept the entire day or that Charlotte hadn’t woken her up sooner. After they ate the sandwiches, Hailey had spent the night holding her tight against her. Just listening to her breathing. Telling her silently that she would do better...that she deserved better.

When they get back to the apartment, Hailey quickly puts the groceries away and turns to look for Charlotte. She spots her blonde hair immediately by the little window that looks into the yard. 

“What you looking at sweets?” Hailey follows her line of sight and sees Hank tying a new swing onto the branch where the tire swing had been. She hasn’t seen him since he handed her the keys. He seemed to understand that she wanted her space and had left them alone. She really should thank him, but she still feels uncomfortable about the bruise around her eye. 

Charlotte ends up deciding for her when she leaves the window seat and runs over to the door to put her shoes on. She pulls the velcro tight and then stands silently by the door staring expectantly at her mother. She bounces her heels slightly when Hailey joins her at the door and slides her shoes on as well.

Hailey watches as Charlotte races down the stairs and across the driveway to the yard where Hank is finishing up with the swing. She skids to a stop when he turns toward them and runs back to Hailey.

To his credit, Hank keeps the smile on his face. He hadn’t expected them to come out while he was still out as well. It’s easy to tell that they are running from something. He just wishes he knew from what.

“I hope you don’t mind. The tire swing was my sons and it’s seen better days. I thought you might like to have a swing of you own.” He packs up the little tool box he had brought out with him and goes to leave them be, but a small voice stops him.

“I’ll share with your son.” Charlottes voice is a little hoarse from lack of use, but Hailey thinks she has never heard a more beautiful sound. She tries not to react on the outside like a lunatic at hearing her daughter speak, but it has been nearly a week with not a single word. She turns to thank Hank and sees his eyes are a little red like he might be ready to cry.

“My son would have loved this swing.” He takes a shuddering breath “You can use it whenever you like, okay?” He sees recognition flash in Hailey’s eyes. She’s probably assuming his son is no longer alive and she’d be correct in her assumptions. He gives her a sad sort of smile and then heads to the garage to put his things away. 

Hailey tells Charlotte to get on the swing and then gives her a pretty decent starter push and tells her she will be right back. She walks over to the garage but doesn’t enter, stopping just short of the sliding door.

“Thank you so much for the swing. You didn’t have to do that for us.” Hailey tucks her hands in her pockets as she calls out to him in the back of the garage. She steps back on instinct when he emerges from the back corner of the garage.

“It was nothing, and I saw her looking at the old tire swing before. I just didn’t want her to hurt herself if it broke or something. This way she’s got something to do.” He feels a little uncomfortable with her gratitude so he busies himself with straightening out a wall of tools by the door.

“I’m sorry about your son.” The second the words are out she wishes she could take them back. she doesn’t know this man...why would she say that? Just like she doesn’t want charity, he most likely doesn’t want her pity. She hurries to thank him once again and then rushes back to Charlotte on the swing, whose sweet voice asks for more pushes.

Summer passes by quickly and Hailey and Charlotte have settled into a nice little routine. Hailey had gotten a job at the corner store which wasn’t ideal, but it gave her a small paycheck, and the owner didn’t mind that Hailey brought Charlotte to work with her. She goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, plays outside with Charlotte and then it’s bath time and bedtime every day. Their routine is simple and Hailey likes it that way. 

She had bought them some clothes from the Target in town where Charlotte had picked out the cutest little sundress. She was coming back to herself slowly, but a little more every week and pretty soon it was like she had never stopped talking in the first place. Hailey wants to talk to her about that night, to just make sure she is okay but she doesn’t know how to bring it up, so she mostly asks a lot of questions about things that could be about that night, without actually mentioning it.

They rarely see Hank with his crazy work schedule, but when they do he always stops to chat for a bit, and Charlotte even asks him to help her catch fireflies one night. Hailey had watched as her daughters face lit with delight when they had filled a small jar. She had wanted to keep them but Hank had told her they liked to be free and Charlotte and innocently said she liked that too. She’s glad she feels that way. Hailey feels lighter, but she doesn’t feel completely free...not yet. She’s still legally married to Cade, and if she files for divorce, he will find out where she is. She feels a bit like an ostrich, hiding out, but she is taking this time to figure out what she needs to do.

The walk home from the corner store seems to take forever tonight. The late August heat is stifling and Charlotte had actually stopped walking and sat on the sidewalk refusing to walk home. Hailey couldn’t blame her...the heat made her a little cranky too, so she picks her up and carries her the rest of the way. She stops abruptly when she sees the vehicles parked in front of Hanks house. She can hear the voices from his backyard and suddenly their routine is thrown. 

The front door opens and the screen slamming shut startles her. She turns slightly, trying to keep Charlotte hidden. Her heart is racing and she just wants to get upstairs to their apartment. There’s footsteps approaching and Hailey squeezes her eyes shut. 

“Hailey?” Hanks rough voice breaks though her panic and she briefly wonders how long he had been calling her name. 

“I’m sorry about tonight. We just closed a really tough case and in the heat of the moment I decided to invite my team over a cookout. I should have ran it by you first.” 

“It’s your house, you don’t have to ask me.” Hailey shifts Charlotte to her other hip and reaches for her keys.

“You’re welcome to join. There’s plenty of food and drinks.” He extends an invitation knowing she will surely turn him down, but he offers it anyways.

“I go to your party too Mr. Hank?” Charlottes lifts her sweaty head off Haileys neck and looks hopefully at Hank then back to her mother.

“Charlotte...” Hailey starts, but she’s cut off.

“Please mama please!” Her blue eyes plead with Hailey until she can’t but smile at her daughters antics.

“Fine, but only for a little bit.” She sets her down on the ground and reaches for her hand, following Hank into the backyard.

“I’ll introduce you to my team. This is Kim Burgess. She’s been with the unit a little over a year. Burgess, this is Hailey and her daughter Charlotte. They live in the garage apartment.”

Hailey gets introduced to Kevin then Vanessa then Adam. She’s not used to having to remember peoples names so she’s trying to keep a face to a name. They all seem like nice people. The women of the unit especially. They are all pretty taken with Charlotte too. She had told Vanessa that she liked her braids and now she was sitting patiently while Vanessa braided her hair. 

Hailey watched it all from the little table on the porch. It’s where the fan was, and it was away from the small fire they had lit to roast marshmallows later on. She sips slowly at the lemonade Hank had brought her, the taste reminding her of her childhood. It has her thinking that she wants to give Charlotte so much more than she ever had growing up. Even this...something so simple as a cookout on a Friday night, laughter and friends gathering just to enjoy each other’s company. She never got to do this, and she wants Charlotte to be able to experience these kinds of things.

“What I miss?” The voice comes from the side railing that goes to the little alley between the house and Hailey jumps out of her seat, her glass of lemonade and the chair she had been sitting in crashing to the ground. Her heart is pounding in her ears and her eyes dart from the shattered glass to Hank and then to the man in the shadows.

Hank heard the glass break and turned in time to see Hailey pressing herself against the wall in what he assumes is fear. He can see her chest rising rapidly from across the yard and he shoves the plate of burgers and hot dogs fresh from the grill at Adam before muttering a curse and making his way to Hailey.

“Sarge I’m sorry...” Hank ignores his detective and cautiously approaches Hailey.

“Hailey? Are you hurt Hailey?” Hank can see the glass scattered around her feet. He watches as she works to control her breathing and stop the tears threatening to fall. “It’s okay Hailey, you’re safe here.” He lets out a relieved breath when her eyes lock onto his.

“Sorry...I’m so...sorry about your glass.” She lowers her head, letting her hair hide her face. She’s more than a little embarrassed. God...she can’t even make it through a night with these nice people without losing it...

“I see you’ve met Jay. He’s the blue house on the corner. He’s been with my team from the start.” Voight keeps himself slightly in front of Hailey, offering her that protection if she wants it. A part of him is a little angry at Jay for ruining what was turning out to be a good night for Hailey and her daughter. 

Jay isn’t sure what just happened, but it’s obvious he ruined the mood. He hadn’t been paying attention and had honestly thought it was Kim sitting on the porch. If he had realized it was not, he would have made himself known. He steps fully into the light of the porch now and stops at the bottom step.

“Sorry for seeming like a creep, I always cut through the alley. I apologize for sneaking up on you. I’m jay Halstead.” He introduces himself again now that his face is visible, and stretches his hand up the stairs towards her to shake her hand. His brows furrow in confusion when Voight doesn’t move aside and Hailey makes no effort to shake his hand. He starts to lower his hand, not wanting to make this any more uncomfortable than it already it, and sees Hailey step in front of Voight. 

Hailey takes a deep steadying breath and forces herself to calm down. She hates that she is so easily frightened and she doesn’t want to be like this forever. She steps toward him and if he sees the way her outstretched hand trembles, he doesn’t acknowledge it. 

“Hailey.” She sucks in a breath when his hand engulfs hers and she realizes that this man is the first person to touch her in anyway since leaving Cade. The realization has her pulling her hand back quickly and she clasps her hands tightly in front of her. She can’t seem to stop staring at his eyes. They are kind eyes and she can’t tell if his they are blue or green in this light. 

“Mama mama! Look mama!” Charlotte breaks the moment and Hailey quickly brushes past Hank and Jay, scooping her up in her arms. She’s relieved at the distraction.

“Oh my goodness sweets! You look beautiful!” Hailey nuzzles her cheek to her daughters and turns to thank Vanessa.

“Thank you. She looks adorable. That was really sweet of you to do that.” Hailey sets Charlotte down and tries to stop the nerves that creep in as Charlotte stands close to Adam at the fire. He’s making her a s’more. 

She doesn’t want to feel nervous around these men, but she can’t help it. She doesn’t want her fears to become her daughters so even though inside she is silently telling Charlotte to back away from him, she lets her go. Hank trusts these people and she guesses in a round about way, she trusts Hank.

“She’s a cutie, your Charlie. Very polite. She’s like a mini grownup.” Vanessa chuckles and takes another sip of her beer. “How you liking Chicago so far? You over the heat yet?” 

“It’s nice here, and the heat doesn’t bother me...I’m used to it.” 

“Yeah? Where you from?” Vanessa realizes quickly that she asked the wrong question. 

Hailey doesn’t give her an answer, just brokenly chokes out an apology and then rushes to Charlotte. “Time to go Charlotte.” She goes to pick her up, but Charlotte steps back. “Charlotte Elizabeth! You come here right now.” Her panic and fear comes out as anger and the tears in Charlottes eyes has her closing her eyes and breathing deep. She’s not mad, just scared and she thinks maybe a little over stimulated. It’s just been her and Charlotte for the last two months and maybe it was a little too much too quickly.

Hailey wants to cry too when Charlotte moves slowly to her and presses her face into her hip. She can feel the hot tears through her jeans and Hailey kneels down to cup her face. She ignores the concerned looks from Hanks team, and rests her forehead against Charlottes.

“I’m sorry sweets. Mama’s not mad at you. It’s been a long night, let’s say goodnight okay?” 

After tearful goodbyes from Charlotte, and some awkward ones from Hailey, they make their way across the yard and onto the driveway. 

“Hey, wait up.” Jay hurries to catch up but then slows and stops nearly ten feet from them. “Think this might belong to you.” He holds the little elephant out to Hailey. “Well, to Charlotte...unless it’s yours?” He quirks his head to the side trying to lighten the mood and a lopsided grin takes up his face.

“It’s hers.” Hailey lets out a little laugh at his awkwardness and then lets Charlotte down so she can grab it from Jay.

He smiles as he hands it over to her, her tiny voice thanking him.

“It was nice to meet you.” He hadn’t expected an answer, and watches as she disappears inside the apartment. He rubs the back of his neck turning back to the party and Voight is standing right there.

“Sarge?” The way he is looking at Jay makes him want to squirm. He goes to walk back towards the fire and Voight grabs his wrist to stop him.

“Leave her alone Halstead.” Voight’s voice is demanding and hard. “I don’t know what she’s been through or what brought her and daughter here, but she doesn’t need you stirring things up right now. Stay away from her. Am I clear?”

Jay looks up at the steps and then back to Voight. “Crystal Clear sir.” It’s not like their paths are going to cross anyway, but he’d be lying if he said there was nothing intriguing about her. He won’t push the matter though.


	3. Fall

Hailey is unprepared for how fast the weather turns. The heat of summer stayed through almost the entire month of September. The walk to work isn’t so bad, but coming home is exhausting. The pavement seems to send heat radiating up through her feet and even though it’s less than three blocks, it feels like an eternity when she finally gets the two of them home. Her feet ache from standing all day and the heat does nothing to help.

She isn’t really complaining...not truly. She’s happy for the job, however menial it may be. It really is just the heat that makes her sweaty and cranky. Sometimes the humidity is so thick she feels like she can’t breathe properly. Charlotte never complains though. She’s been such a trooper this entire time, and Hailey loves her more and more with every passing day.

It’s the last day of September when the weather does turn. Hailey had woken up freezing and Charlotte was completely mesmerized with the way the sudden frost made the grass look like it was dusted in glitter. The walk to work takes nearly twice the usual time because Charlotte keeps stopping to look at the different things she finds covered in frost. She giggles at the puffs of white air that comes from her mouth and makes them look like dragons, and Hailey smiles the entire way to work. 

Jay and Vanessa are just coming back from Med after interviewing a victim. They are debating where they want to go for a quick lunch when a call comes over the radio. 

“Available units, we have a robbery in progress, 3425 West Atler Street. Shots fired, gunman is still inside.”

Jay isn’t sure why that address sounds so familiar but he tells Vanessa to respond as he turns the truck back in the opposite direction.

“5021 Frank responding. Plain clothes officers approaching the scene.” 

It’s a little under 7 minutes when they pull up to the location. Jay’s adrenaline had started pumping as soon as he realized they were headed towards where Hailey worked. In the month since meeting her, he had actually ran into her a couple of times. He’s sure they crossed paths before, but now that he knows her, he’s seeing her more. He’s always distantly polite and keeps the interactions short. It’s not all because of Voights warning, Hailey genuinely seems to be uneasy around him. Her daughter is cute though, and she always has a smile and something to share with him.

Now his worry increases as they pull up in front of the little shop. It’s definitely where Hailey works. There’s already two other units here and it looks like they have the suspect. 

“Oh dang...is that Charlie?” Vanessa is pointing towards the sidewalk and in between the two cop cars. Charlotte is sitting there, almost as if she doesn’t see what’s going on around her. They both are out of the truck as soon as he parks, and quickly make their way over to her.

Jay’s eyes scan the small crowd but he doesn’t see Hailey. The splattering of blood across Charlotte’s face and shirt has his stomach dropping.

“Charlie sweetheart, are you okay? Is that your blood honey?” Vanessa has to physically stop herself from pulling the girl into her arms. She looks like she is in a trance and she doesn’t want to frighten her. Vanessa’s heart breaks when she finally looks up at them, her blue eyes welling with tears.

“Mama.” Her voice is hardly a whisper, and then she’s reaching her little arms up like she wants to be held. Jay expects Vanessa to step in, but she isn’t beside him now so he reaches down and gathers her into his arms. Her tears feel like little drops of fire on the cool skin of his neck and it’s then that he realizes she’s only in a thin shirt and he pulls his jacket off and wraps her in it. 

“Where’s your mom Charlotte?” Jay rubs her back and brushes her curls out of her face.

“Over here Jay!” Vanessa calls out from behind an ambulance, and Jay rushes over with Charlotte.

Hailey is sitting on the floor of the ambulance as the EMT wraps her wrist in a splint. She has the same smears of blood on her as Charlotte, but he doesn’t see any any actual wounds. She hasn’t seen them yet, so he clears his throat to alert her they are there.

“Found something that belongs to you.” Her head snaps up and she’s ignoring the EMT’s calls to sit still as she grabs for Charlotte.

“Easy Hailey, I’ve got her. She’s okay. Why don’t you let her finish up checking you over and we will wait right here.” He moves so he is directly in her line of sight and gives her a gentle smile as she sits again, impatiently waiting for the EMT to finish. 

“You okay Hailey? What happened.” Vanessa tries to be as gentle as possible in her questioning considering how awful the last time went. 

“I don’t know...it all happened so fast.” She uses her free hand to push some of the hair that escaped her ponytail behind her ear. “They wouldn’t let me stay with her. They...they took my daughter away from me.” 

“Okay you’re all set. You’ll need to get X-rays to be sure, but I’m pretty confident it’s just a sprain. And your daughter is okay too, although she seemed a little scared when my partner was checking her out.” 

Hailey stands up keeping her arm tucked against her chest. In her haste to get to Charlotte, she had tripped over the vacuum cord and landed with her arm and wrist catching her weight awkwardly. She hadn’t heard the girl enter, but she happened to look up into the mirrors above the coolers on the back wall and she had seen her climbing over the counter.

“Hailey? Can you tell you me what happened?” Jay tries this time, breaking Hailey from her thoughts. He shifts Charlotte and switches the blanket on Haileys shoulders for the jacket covering Charlotte. He arranges the blanket around Charlotte, who he’s pretty sure is sleeping now, and watches as Hailey slides her arms through his jacket.

“Thanks. I can take her now.” She reaches both arms out and can’t hide the wince. Her wrist really hurts.

“Why don’t we go to my truck and you can hold her there while Vanessa drives us to the hospital to get your wrist looked at.” He watches as she has some sort of internal debate before she finally nods and follows Jay closely to his truck behind Vanessa. Once she climbs into the rear passenger seat, Jay carefully hands the sleeping little girl to her mother. 

Hailey holds her breath as Jay reaches the seatbelt across the two of them and his face is so close to hers she can see the flecks of blue in his mostly green eyes. He’s struggles with the seatbelt as it’s on the other side of the two of them and he is really trying not to crowd her. He ends up climbing into the truck fully and his entire body presses against Charlottes back as he manages to click the belt in place. He lets out a breath of relief and tells her he’s sorry.

Hailey is unsure of the feeling fluttering in her stomach, but before she can think on it too much, Vanessa is telling Jay to hurry up and then she is left alone in the back seat as he climbs into the front. 

“I don’t think she knew what she was doing. Or maybe she didn’t really want to do it...” Hailey knows they want to know what happened so she just starts telling them what she does remember. “I didn’t see her at first, but when I did she was already climbing over the counter where Charlotte was sitting. I fell trying to get to her, but I rushed the counter and got her to the floor. I didn’t even see the gun.” A shiver runs through her body when she thinks about that. The outcome of today could have been so much different. 

“When I knocked her to the floor the gun she was holding went off and it hit her in the arm. That’s...it’s her blood. It isn’t ours.” She is so glad that the bullet hadn’t hit either of them. Honestly the whole thing had taken less than five minutes, and Hailey had spent the rest of the time waiting for the cops and an ambulance to get there while she applied pressure to the girls arm.

When they get to the hospital, Hailey has another moment of panic when Jay reaches in for Charlotte. 

“I can give her to Vanessa if you want, but you can’t carry her Hailey, not with your wrist.” He waits for her to decide and Vanessa joins them. “I’ll stay with you the whole time, as long as we are allowed. I’ll keep her safe.” 

“Okay.” Her response is shaky as she lets him take Charlotte. The adrenaline is definitely wearing off and she isn’t sure if she wants to cry, fall asleep, or scream. Her legs feel like jelly as she steps down from the truck and she’s grateful for Vanessa and the hand she offers her. 

The trip to the hospital takes nearly three hours. The ED was pretty backed up and Jay had felt too guilty asking Will to see Hailey first. They are lucky though, because Will sees Jay and Vanessa and manages to get them in much quicker than they would have otherwise. Hailey ends up with a hairline fracture and she comes back from the exam room with a dark blue cast. 

She wants to go home and shower off the mess of today and hold Charlotte. It’s all she wants to do and the she says it over and over to pass the time. She’s surprised when she gets back into the waiting room to see Hank. She scans the room but doesn’t see Vanessa or Jay.

“Hey kid. How you holding up?” Hanks voice is full of concern, and he shifts Charlotte as he stands. “Ready to get out of here?”

“I was ready hours ago. Where are Vanessa and Jay?” She was still wearing Jay’s jacket, and she hadn’t thanked either of them for their help today.

He tells her that they had caught another case and he needed them back at the station, and then he’s driving them to his house. 

Hailey has never enjoyed a shower more, even though she has to wrap the cast. She is so exhausted that she falls asleep almost as soon as her arms wrap around Charlotte and her head hits the pillow.

The case that the team had caught turns out to be a pretty intense one, and Hailey doesn’t see Hank or anyone else from the team. It’s four days after the attempted robbery that Hailey finally sees Hank. She hears his suv pull into the garage and turns to make sure her daughter is occupied with the movie she has on. She grabs her jacket and and slips on her boots before making her way outside.

“Hank.” She catches him just as he is stepping onto his front porch and waits for him to turn. “I know you’re probably tired with your case and everything so I won’t keep you. I just...wanted to thank you for the other day.” She stands at the last the section of the sidewalk and shifts awkwardly. Having people in in her corner is still new to her and it’s going to take some time to get used to it.

“You doing okay?” His eyes asses her and he bites his tongue to keep the things he really wants to say to her inside. While he’s glad she is okay and that Charlotte is as well, her actions had been reckless and he can’t stop thinking that it could have been so much worse.

“We are okay. It was a little scary, but uh...yeah, we are fine.” Something in his tone worries her and she steps back slowly. She isn’t sure if he’s mad or just on edge from the case, but either way, her body seems to recognize the vibes coming from his as possibly dangerous. 

Hank sees her stepping back and he thinks it might just be better to call it a day. The case had gone wrong from the start and he doesn’t want to take his frustration out on her. He tells her he’s glad she is okay, and then turns to go inside. He stops before touching the handle though.

“I know you were only thinking about protecting your daughter, but you could have gotten yourself killed.” His serious tone has her looking down. “I’m not saying what you did was wrong, but what if that bullet had hit you or Charlotte? I just...you aren’t alone here.” He steps down and stands in front of her. “I don’t know what brought you here Hailey, or what demons you and Charlotte are running from, but I hope you know you got people in your corner here. People that will fight for you if you ask them to.” His hands cross across his chest and he gives her a steady stare. “I know you don’t want charity, but it’s okay to ask for help.”

Hailey turns to look up at the little apartment. Partly because she wants to make sure her daughter is okay still, but also because she doesn’t want him to see her tears. She swallows thickly before turning back.

“I never fought back before. I never stood up for myself...not until it was too late.” She hates that the tears fall and her voice breaks. Cade had always said showing emotion was weakness and she had learned to bottle everything up. 

“I got us out, and I handled things the other day. You’re right that I was only thinking of Charlotte, but I couldn’t just stand by anymore. When the gun went off...if that gun had...I don’t...I can’t...I’m sorry.” The sob comes out of no where, and she is mortified. She doesn’t do this, let emotions out, and she certainly doesn’t cry in front of others.

Hank watches her loose the grip on her emotions and he moves cautiously closer to her. He holds his arms out like he is showing her he isn’t going to hurt her, and he gently pulls her into his arms. He mostly lets her cry, but occasionally he’s telling her it’s okay and that he’s got her.

It happens gradually. Hailey is always the one giving comfort, she can’t recall the last time someone has held her in their arms with the sole intent of giving comfort. She’s tense and wants him to let her go but the longer he holds her, the more she relaxes. Her arms, that had been hanging stiffly at her sides, now grip the back of his jacket tightly as she cries. 

They stay like that for a bit before Hailey remembers that Charlotte is upstairs and she sniffles and wipes her face with the sleeve of her non injured hand. 

Hank places a hand on her shoulder and offers her a soft smile. “I mean it Hailey. Anything you need, I’m here, and my team too. You just have to ask.” He watches her nod and then he steps back at her thank you. She’s almost to her steps when he stops her again.

“You got plans for Thanksgiving?” When she only shakes her head no, he adds. “You do now.”

After he gives her the details, she climbs the stairs to her apartment. For the first time in a long time, things feel right...like maybe this is where she was meant to be all along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hailey and Charlotte spend the Holiday with Hank and some members of the Intelligence Unit.


	4. Fall 2 Thanksgiving

“But where does the snow come from mama?” They had woken this morning to a light blanket of snow, and Charlotte had been completely mesmerized with it. She had never seen snow before, and the last time Hailey had seen snow, she had been 7 years old on a rare visit to her grandparents cabin in Big Bear.

“Is it Elsa? Does she make this?” She catches some of the snowflakes on her teal mittens and then gleefully shakes them off.

“She’d have to make an awful lot of snow to cover an entire city, sweets.” Hailey looks down at her with eyes full of love and happiness.

Hailey loves how happy her little girl is, and takes the new phone she had gotten last month after the robbery, and snaps a picture of her daughter smiling towards the sky, tongue darting to catch the flakes as they fall. She laughs along with her and then they are walking up the sidewalk towards District 21.

She’s had Jay’s jacket for almost an entire month and she’s given up waiting for him to randomly stop over Hanks. She had thought about just giving it to Hank so he could give it back, but she wanted to thank both him and Vanessa in person, and she was really trying to not be so awkward around Jay. There’s something about him that makes her want to know him more, but her fear and insecurities always hold her back.

She takes Charlottes hand in hers again and climbs the steps. The sudden warmth of the main entrance has her shivering slightly, and her eyes go a little wide with shock at how busy it seems to be inside.

“Can I help you?” An older woman with light silvery hair is looking at her like she’s a huge inconvenience in this moment.

“I...um...”

“Spit it out Goldilocks, I don’t have all day here.”

She wishes she hadn’t come here, this woman is making her super nervous and then she lets out a little shriek as a hand lands on her shoulder.

“Woah little mama, it’s just me.” Kevin has a sheepish grin on his face at having scared her, and then he leans down to Charlotte.

“Charlie Horse! What’s up little one?” He reaches out and she excitedly slaps her palm against his in a high five. “What are you doing here?” 

Hailey looks from Kevin back to the woman at the front desk nervously. The woman hasn’t stopped staring at her. Even as her hands are busy passing keys and papers to waiting officers, her eyes feel like they are staring into her soul.

“I was hoping to catch Jay, and Vanessa if they are here?” 

“I got you. Vanessa is upstairs, and Halstead will be back with lunch any minute now. You wanna piggy back ride up there Charlie?” 

Kevin is moving them towards the front desk and Hailey swears her hands start to sweat a little. 

“Sergeant Trudy Platt, this is Hailey and her daughter Charlotte. Hailey, Trudy Platt. She keeps this place running.” Kevin gives Platt his best smile and then asks for a visitors pass to get them upstairs.

“Got a last name Hailey?” Trudy grabs the visitor stickers and scribbles Hailey’s name and waits for her last name. Before she can think of an excuse to not give it, Hank comes in with Jay, both loaded with greasy brown bags.

“Mr. Hank!” Charlotte runs over to him and he barely has time to pass the bags to Kevin before he catches her. He settles her on his hip and then he is telling Trudy that they are with him and they thankfully are making their way up the stairs. Hailey swears she can feel the woman’s eyes follow her until she disappears around the corner.

“You’re in luck Hailey. There’s extra burgers and fries. Burgess and Ruzek got stuck across town. They are grabbing lunch while they wait.” Hank sets Charlotte down in one of the chairs and gives her a little spin before grabbing one of the bags, pulling out the food.

“Hey Hailey, Charlie. It’s good to see you guys.” Vanessa emerges from the break room with a stack of paper plates and napkins.

It’s unexpected in the best way, and that’s how Hailey spends her afternoon. She listens and laughs along with the group as they tell stories about past cases that had gone a little sideways in strange ways. It’s a slow day, though nobody mentions it, not wanting to jinx it.

At one point, Vanessa begins to gather up the plates and Hailey finds herself following suit and then heading into the break room to dispose of them.

“Vanessa?” Hailey takes a deep breath and waits until she turns to face her. “I know it’s been a while, but I never got the chance to thank you for your help and just being there for me and Charlotte that day. I really appreciate it, and Charlotte adores you, so...thank you.” 

“Don’t even sweat it girl. You’re part of the family now.” Ignoring Hailey’s stunned expression at her words, she pulls her into a tight but quick hug and then leaves her standing there still slightly in shock.

It’s how Jay finds her when he brings the ketchup back to the fridge. She’s standing in front of the sink and he watches as she hastily wipes at her eyes before turning to him.

“Hey.” She tries to play off the fact that he caught her in yet another vulnerable moment, but she knows she isn’t completely successful.

“Hey yourself.” Jay smiles at her, sliding his hands into his pockets. 

“I have your jacket. From that day...” She wonders if she could possibly be more awkward. “And I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated you helping with Charlotte. Things haven’t always been the best for us, and I’m starting to realize what it means to have people on my side. Thank you for being someone I...we can count on.” 

Jay’s breath catches as a genuine smile takes over her whole face and he swears she is absolutely beautiful, and she looks so young. He wonders not for the first time how old she actually is. Almost without thinking, his feet carry him towards her, and he stands at the sink with her, shoulder bumping hers, back resting against the counter. His arms cross in front of him and he turns his head to study her. 

“I’m not saying it’s got to be me, but you know you can talk to us...any of us. Whatever trouble you’re in, we can help.”

“Who says I’m in trouble?” The words have a hint of annoyance and fear in them, and she hopes he doesn’t notice the latter. She pushes off the counter, wanting to get out of this room and away from his questioning words, however well meaning his intentions may be.

“Hailey, I wasn’t trying to pry. Honestly. I’m sorry if it seemed that way. Forget I mentioned it” His hand moves to the back of his neck rubbing quickly. “Just leave my jacket on my chair okay.” He gives her a wide berth and walks out of the room. 

With the good mood officially ruined, Hailey thanks everyone for a nice afternoon and then they are making their way downstairs. Hailey can’t help but notice Jay is nowhere to be found. She feels badly for how she reacted. It’s another thing she’s working on...trying not to be so defensive. It’s not happening as quickly as she would like. It should make for an interesting Thanksgiving for sure.

The smell of pumpkin and nutmeg fills the tiny apartment the morning of Thanksgiving. She’s spent the last week both dreading and looking forward to today. It will be the first time she’s had a real Thanksgiving since her grandparents had passed. It will also be the first time she sees Jay since that moment in the break room. She only hopes it won’t be noticeably uncomfortable.

She pulls the pumpkin drop cookies from the tiny oven and is pleased at how great they turned out. It’s not the exact recipe of her grandmother, but it will definitely do. She lets Charlotte help drizzle the frosting on them, and then she sets them aside to finish setting.

After a quick wash up for both of them, Hailey plates the cookies and they head over to Hanks to help out. He had told her not to worry about it, but she had insisted. She doesn’t want to just show up, and she likes to cook. It’s something Cade had made her do every night he was home. She’s actually very talented and at home in the kitchen, but with just the two of them now, she likes to keep it simple. 

After setting Charlotte up in the living room with the parade on the television, Hailey wanders back into the kitchen to find Hank stuffing the turkey.

“What can I do?” She pushes up her sleeves, ready and excited to work. They spend the next couple of hours working in sync completing the side dishes. After seeing how comfortable she seems with the cooking, Hank gives her free rein with the apple pie. Charlotte wanders in every now and then to snack on some of the things they’ve completed, and just as Hailey pulls the apple pie out of the second oven, the first guests arrives.

Vanessa and Adam are the first to arrive and they come into the dining room with some soda and a couple bottles of wine. Charlotte dances excitedly around the two of them telling them all about the giant balloons she had seen on the television this morning. 

Adam notices the flush on Hailey’s cheeks and suddenly a thought occurs to him.

“You let her in your kitchen?” He had tried to offer his assistance for the last three years and every time Voight tells him no...absolutely not.

“I like her.” He grins at Adam’s dramatic reaction and adds “and she knows what she’s doing in the kitchen. I’m not confident you know which way the knife goes.” His comment has them all laughing and they move into the living room with their glasses of wine.  
There’s another knock at the door and Hailey’s heart rate increases, she wonders if it is Jay. Kim and Kevin are spending the day with their families, and she doesn’t think anyone else is coming. She nearly chokes on her wine when the desk sergeant from the station comes into the room followed by Jay. Thankfully Adam breaks the sudden tension and Hailey follows Hank into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on the meal. 

“So it’s true, Goldilocks has a free pass in the kitchen.” Trudy smiles at Hailey as she enters, before reaching across the counter to offer her hand. “Trudy. I apologize if I came off as rude the other day. You caught me on an off day.” 

“You have a lot of off days Platt.” Adam says it and at her deadpan stare, immediately and comically apologizes before making a quick exit.

Hailey can’t help the laugh that escapes at their antics and she thinks that maybe she had been a little too quick in judging her. She’s blunt and says whatever comes to her mind. She finds it oddly refreshing. She is the first person who isn’t treating her like she will shatter at any second. 

“So Hailey, tell me about yourself. Like how you got Hank to let you in his kitchen.” She notices Haileys face pale a bit and her smile turns tight before falling completely. She doesn’t miss the look from Hank either. Almost like he is checking in with her, ready to step in if needed. 

Hailey tries to stay calm and forces herself to respond. “There’s not much to tell. And I just asked to help and he said yes.” There, she did it, without ruining the mood.

“Asked my ass...she badgered me for three days straight before I finally just gave up and told her she could help.” He sends a wink and smile her way. Four months ago she would have responded drastically different to Trudy’s questions. He’s proud at how far she has come in such a short time. “Turns out she could probably cook me right out of my own kitchen.”

Hailey smiles even though her cheeks blush at his compliments. Thankfully Vanessa comes in and she is saved from any further questions as they carry the food out to the table.

Hailey takes the open seat next to Charlotte and after helping with her napkin and placing her own in her lap, she looks up and her eyes lock on the familiar green eyes of Jay. He looks away quickly, like he is embarrassed at being caught staring at her. 

Dinner is nice. Conversation flows the entire meal and Hailey mostly takes it all in. Charlotte happily eats her plate of food and Hailey likes that they include her in their conversation too. They could just ignore her but they seem to genuinely care about her. It warms her heart. There’s a couple moments where she and Jay find themselves staring at each other, and while everyone is talking to one another, Hailey and Jay never actually speak to each other. She still feels bad about the way she spoke to him and she is hoping to apologize tonight as soon as she can. 

After dinner, they take a break to clean up before serving dessert. Hailey is shooed out of the kitchen and after she gives Charlotte some things to color with, she finds herself alone in the dining room with none other then Jay.

“I’m sorry...”

“You can really cook...”

They speak at the same time, and both let out a forced laugh, then Hailey rushes to speak before him.

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you and the way I reacted that last time. Adjusting to people caring about me...us...it doesn’t come easy. I’m trying though.” She hopes he can see the sincerity in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed.” He leans against the wall and runs a hand through his hair.

“You asked a question Jay. You didn’t push. I overreacted and that’s on me. I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be like this between us. I like you and so does Charlotte.” She hopes he accepts her apology. Charlotte really does like him, and Hailey doesn’t want this tension to ruin that.

“It’s already forgotten.” He waves his hands in front of him like he’s wiping the slate clean, and she smiles brightly back at him, grateful for the opportunity to start again. She thinks he may been about to say something more, but the group has come back from the kitchen with dessert.

“Okay, you gotta tell me how you make this whipped cream. It’s amazing!” Trudy speaks around the mouthful of apple pie in her mouth. The whipped cream is sweet with vanilla and cinnamon and it compliments the pie perfectly.

“Don’t you dare give that away. You keep that a secret.” Hank chimes in from the far end of the table, a little glint of humor in his eyes.

“Fine...keep your recipes to yourself. I’ll get your secrets out of you...I always do.” Even though she says it lightly, Hailey can’t help but feel like maybe she is talking about more than the whipped cream. It sets her heart racing and she lifts her wine, taking a giant gulp. Trudy seems to sense the change in her, and turns to Adam. She misses what she says, but it has the table bursting out in laughter and Hailey takes the moment to excuse herself.

She pulls her jacket tightly around her as she breaths in the crisp cool air. She wants to let people in, keeping secrets is really starting to wear on her, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can dodge their questions. She’s tired of it all. The door opening and closing behind her has her stiffening.

“You sticking around?” Hank joins Hailey on the small front porch.

“Where else would I go?” She doesn’t know why he would ask her that.

“I meant here, are you staying or were you gonna go home.” He stares at her and gestures to her little apartment. She definitely seems a little on edge. It’s a noticeable change from the happy smiles he’d seen all throughout dinner.

“I don’t think I’m ready to go just yet. I just...needed a second.” She smiles sadly at him. 

“Okay, well while I have you alone, I wanted to talk to you about something. We’ve been thinking about adding a lower level position to our team. Like a secretary but elevated.” At her slightly interested look he hurries to continue. “I know what you’re thinking, and this isn’t a handout Hailey. You’d be working for an elite unit in the Chicago police department and it will be extremely demanding at times. You’ll be doing clerical things, but there will be times when you will be pulled in on a case, picking us some of the paperwork slack. Sometimes the cases are difficult, that darkness can take a toll on you.” He waits her out as she mulls over his words. They really do need another person, his team had been stretched pretty thin recently and he finally got this position approved. She would be a nice fit for his team.

She’s having a hard time believing what she is hearing. She’s been living off her measly savings for the last month. She couldn’t bring herself to go back to the store after the robbery. She tried twice, but both times she had turned around half way and gone back home. She had told the owners she just couldn’t do it. The robbery and the gun had shaken her too much. Would she even be able to handle working with Hanks team? She knows they can’t continue on the way they are though. At the thought of Charlotte, her heart sinks again.

“I can’t take the job. Thank you, but I can’t. I can’t leave Charlotte with strangers. I’m not ready for that, and she won’t be either. I’m sorry.” It would have been nice to work with Hank and his team.

“The job is considered full time, which comes with some nice perks. Care to know what they are?” At her hesitant nod he begins to list them off. “Obviously there will be benefits, and something that will be great for you and Charlotte is the free 24 hour child watch on the floor above us for all District 21 employees. You’d be able to see her whenever you needed to. It’s for kids up to six years old and they offer Pre-K to Kindergarten classes too. You have a couple days to make up your mind before we put the ad out for applications. If you decide you want it though, the job is yours. You’re already familiar with the team and you mesh well with us. Think it over okay? Whatever you decide is fine.” He motions for them to head back inside because its cold out, and her voice falters slightly as she says his name.

It’s Hailey that initiates the hug this time. Her arms wrap tightly around him as she tells him she wants the job. “I won’t let you down, I swear.” She can’t even begin to thank him enough for this.

Her cheeks almost hurt with how big her smile is as they return to the dining room. She looks around at these people who managed to work themselves into her and Charlottes lives. Sometimes this all feels like a dream. In this moment on this day, she is incredibly thankful for that little bulletin board flyer that brought them all together.


	5. Winter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot going on, but it’s all setting up the next chapter or two. Thanks for the reads and reviews!!~Nan

Two days after Thanksgiving Hailey finds herself sitting at the station with Hank and Trudy. She had asked Vanessa if she could take Charlotte for the afternoon. It was the first time in Charlotte’s life that she was away from Hailey. Vanessa practically had to pry her from Hailey’s hands. She reassured her that they would be fine, and were meeting Kim and her niece at the movies. She finally let go of Charlottes hand and watched as they walked out of the house. She’d have to get used to this, this feeling of letting go.

After checking her phone for the 20th time, she sets it face up on Hanks desk and then she prepares herself for what’s about to happen. After seeing the paperwork she’d have to fill out, she knew she couldn’t keep her secrets any longer. Hank will obviously need to know what’s going on, and Trudy is here because after dessert on Thanksgiving, Hailey had quickly realized that she is definitely someone she could use in her corner. She’s got a lot of reach and a lot of people owe her favors. She can hopefully help keep this from getting bigger than it needs to.

“Thanks for agreeing to come in on your day off. I know you don’t get them very often, but there’s some things I need to tell you if I’m gonna work here. Hopefully you still want me to when I’m done.” She watches as Hank sits a little straighter, and Trudy nods in encouragement.

“Whatever it is Hailey, we’ve got your back.” Hank keeps a gentle tone to his voice, waiting for her to continue.

“I’m not really sure where to start, or how much to tell you both.” She takes a deep breath trying to slow her rapidly beating heart. “I guess I’ll start by saying that if you search my name, I’ll probably be listed as either a missing person, or that I’m wanted for kidnapping. And knowing my husband, it’s probably kidnapping.” 

Hank and Trudy listen for the next hour as Hailey takes them through how she met Cade when she was 17 until she escaped this past June. She tells them how scared she had been when she had found out she was pregnant with Charlotte. She had just turned 20, and Cade had been ecstatic. He had been trying to get Hailey pregnant from the start, hoping for a boy to follow in his fathers sick ways. He had beat her when they found out she would be having a girl. Everything she did after Charlotte was born, she did to protect her. Submitting to his sick desires, accepting his beatings and punishments without a word, and enduring endless rounds of humiliation in front of his horrible group of friends, all for her.

They ask questions here and there, but they mostly let her talk about the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of Cade Lovette. They can’t hide their looks of revulsion when she tells them about the night she left. About how she had fought back for the first time and finally made the decision to get her and her daughter out.

When it’s all out in the open, a small part of Hailey waits for them to judge her. She’s made a lot of mistakes, but leaving that night is not one of them.

They don’t judge her, but they do look at her with something close to pity and she can’t help but bristle at that. That’s not why she told them. When the paperwork goes through, Hailey knows it will only be a matter of time before he comes for her. She needs their help...not pity.

“How do you want to handle this?” Hanks voice has her raising her head to meet his gaze. The conversation from weeks ago where he told her she need only ask and they would all help, flashes through mind.

“I don’t know...I just know that protecting Charlotte is the most important thing. She matters most.” 

“You looking to file for divorce?” Trudy is honestly just trying to wrap her head around what Hailey had just told them. She knew she had secrets...even from the brief encounters, there was just something there that didn’t sit right. She hadn’t expected this though.

“Well...I don’t want to hide anymore. I just wish things wouldn’t have to change. He’s going to come for me.” Her hands rub at the tops of her thighs. “He always said he owned me...and I mean...he paid for me so I guess a part of me always believed that.” She stands now, unable to contain the nerves running through her body.

“You could put her on as CI. Pay her in cash for the work she does here...but you wont be able to use the child watch.” Trudy offers what she knows is only a short term solution, but if it gives them more time to get together a more solid plan, it’s worth a shot.

“No. I won’t hide forever.” Hailey appreciates the option, but she needs to start moving forward with her life. She’s found her footing here in Chicago, but her life is on pause. She wants to live, to truly be free.

“Did you ever report any of it? Is there any documentation at all that this went on. Something we can use as leverage here?”

“I kept a journal. I know that’s my word against his, but there are pictures in there too. He doesn’t know I took them.” The small leather bound book holds all the depraved and horrible things he did and forced her to do. She had kept an instant camera hidden for when the injuries were really bad. 

“Did you bring it with you?” Trudy knows it’s a shot in the dark that she did. She was only focuses on leaving, getting away...that wouldn’t be a priority.

“No. It’s still there...unless he found it, but that’s doubtful. I kept it hidden.” If she had been thinking long term, she would have brought that book with her, but she can’t change it now.

“We’re gonna have to go back Hailey...”

“NO!” The panic is instant. She can’t face him again. “He’s too dangerous...his pockets are too deep. He’ll take Charlotte or worse.” 

“The way I see it, we go there, we get your journal. We take it to him, and we force his hand. Then we leave. If we do it right, he doesn’t find out where you are.” His eyes are laser focused. He’s sure of this plan. With the right execution, they can get this done. “I’m not comfortable giving him the upper hand and waiting for him to find you. This way we get the jump and we can somewhat control the outcome.”

“Hank is right Hailey. This is the best way.” Trudy rests her hand on Hailey’s, trying to give her any comfort she can right now.

“And if it doesn’t work?” She hates that her voice trembles, she is tired of being weak.

“Then we cross that bridge when we get there. I’m asking you to trust me...us. Trust us to get this done and to keep you and Charlotte safe the entire time. Can you do that?”

She blinks quickly but the tears fall anyway. Doing this is easily in the top three of the scariest things shes done in her life, behind giving birth to Charlotte, and deciding to leave. 

“I want to trust you...I do. You’ve given me so much since I got here, but this could ruin everything.” It feels like she is disappointing them. Trusting people has never come easy, and this all seems too big for her to handle. 

“How soon can you be ready to go? The quicker we get this done the better.” He doesn’t want to rush, but every day they wait, they risk the chance of her husband finding them. Honestly, it’s a miracle he hasn’t already. 

“I’ll help with Charlotte. I’m assuming you aren’t taking her with you, right?” 

Hailey only stares at Trudy. She knows she can’t bring her with them, but the thought of being so far is hard to swallow. 

“I...it’s too fast. I changed my mind. I am not ready for this.” Her hands push back her hair and then move to cover her face. This was a mistake. It’s too much. She can feel the life she had imagined fo her and her daughter since moving here slipping away.

Hank moves so he is standing right in front of her. Seeing her like this breaks his heart. He can’t imagine the fear she must have felt running away from that life, and now he’s telling her she needs to go back.

“I promise you Hailey, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. This is how we get you living your best life. This is where we start.”

She knows they are right. That to be free, she needs to do this. 

“Okay. I’ll do it.”  
_-_

Things seem to move at warp speed from that moment. Plans and ideas were thrown at her daily, and they all swirl around in her mind like a tornado. It’s overwhelming and she struggles to not let her stress and anxiety show to Charlotte. It doesn’t matter though. It’s like Charlotte can sense things are about to change, and she retreats into herself. She laughs less and her sweet beautiful smiles are few and far between.

The change mirrors Hailey’s. The entire team sees it and aside from reassuring her that they will be there for them, there isn’t anything that seems to stop it from happening. 

When Hailey isn’t being briefed on possible scenarios, she spends every moment she can with her daughter. She sits with her and reads or they snuggle on the couch and watch movies. She holds her tight every night until she can’t fight the crushing weight of sleep any longer. Her dreams are plagued with replays of her suffering at Cade’s hands. Facing the day gets a little harder everyday.  
_-_

Eight days after telling Hank and Trudy about how she came to be in Chicago, Hailey, Kevin, Hank, and Jay board a flight to LA. She hadn’t slept at all the night before. She stayed awake watching Charlotte sleep. Counting out her breaths and watching as her eyelashes fluttered in dreams. 

She hadn’t said goodbye. She wouldn’t have been able to leave if she had. She had felt like the worst possible person as she snuck out early this morning, leaving a sleeping Charlotte with Trudy and Vanessa. The new Hailey, the one who knows these people are here for her, would probably let the tears fall that are a constant pressure in her eyes. But that Hailey isn’t here...she doesn’t even know who she is anymore. The days of little to no sleep are weighing her mind down and to help deal with everything that is happening, Hailey had slowly started to shut down. The final latch had been locked tight when she left without saying goodbye. So the tears will not come...not now. She’s back to being that shell of a girl who was numb to everything. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t seem to break to the surface and the thought of losing herself again to this terrifies her.  
_-_

The flight is uneventful and Hailey hadn’t said a word the entire time. She had pulled on her headphones and closed her eyes the second they took off and had pretended to sleep the rest of the way.

They all know what she’s doing. Jay wishes he could offer her some kind of comfort, but she has closed herself off to anyone and everything these past couple of days. Nobody can reach her, and that kills Jay. He’s a helper...it’s what he does. His need to fix things has gotten himself in more trouble than he cares to think about, but this whole not being to do anything is worse than any trouble he’s ever faced.

The change in temperature is noticeably warmer from the second they exit the plane. It’s sunny and a breezy 66 degrees when they head to the rental car pick up inside the airport. The closer they get, the heavier Hailey’s legs feel, until she simply stops completely. 

“Hails? You good?” Keven is the first to realize she isn’t with the group any longer, and he jogs back to her. It’s a stupid question, but what else does he say?

She seems to realize what she’s done, and then, ignoring the hand he had stretched out to her, she wraps her arms around herself tightly and hurries to catch up to Hank and Jay. Both are looking at her with their sad and concerned eyes and a part of her wants to scream at them. She doesn’t know what she needs right now, but it isn’t that. She’s surrounded by these men who have proven over and over again that they care about her, and yet she’s never felt so alone in her life.  
_-_

Hank watches Hailey as she stands at the window of one of the hotel rooms they’d gotten. Her silence worries him. He had tried to get her to lay down once they had checked in, but she had refused. He knows she hadn’t actually slept on the flight in, and he’s not sure when the last time she had a decent nights sleep.

“Okay, I was able to get into his calendar. He’s in Monterey until Thursday, so getting onto the property won’t be much of an issue.” Mark, an old friend of Kevin’s that moved to LA a couple of years ago is working at the little hotel desk. Kevin had mentioned that he had friend on the west coast that was good with a computer, and so far he’s been really helpful. He had not only gotten Cade’s schedule for the week, but also managed to get the new gate codes to the house. Cade hasn’t changed the codes for the house, and Hailey remembers those.

They decide to go that night. Getting into the house and grabbing the journal had always been the gray area of the plan. Without Cade’s schedule, and not knowing how tight the alarm system would be, they had thought it would be two days before they could get to the house. Getting in tonight is perfect.  
_-_

Hailey feels like she is going to puke as she watches the city pass by, turning into the hills where the crammed houses of the city changed into sprawling, over the top mansions. She’s sandwiched between Kevin and Jay in the back of the truck, and she can see the way their eyes widen at the mansions they pass. She wants to tell them that they are all for show...you’d never know on the inside of some of these places is where real life monsters live.

When they get to house she had lived in with Cade for seven years, her heart feels like it stops for a second before pounding in a way that makes her wonder if anyone else can hear it. 

It’s anti climatic how easy it is to get inside the house. It seems like it should be more difficult, but not even two minutes after coming through the main gait, Hailey finds herself standing in the middle of the kitchen.

“Which way Hailey?” Jay’s hand touches her elbow, and he hasn’t seen her react like this since he first met her. It would be funny if he didn’t know the reason she jumped, nearly falling to the floor, was caused by things he’d never be able to understand. He steps back quickly at the terrified look in her eyes, and then he and Voight follow when she finally starts to move towards the back stairs.

She enters a room right off the bottom of the stairs and Jay sees it’s the laundry room. It’s an odd place to hide something, but from what he’s been told by Voight, her husband has probably never set foot inside this room.

No one speaks as Hailey boosts herself onto the folding counter and reaches up onto the top of one of the cabinets. They can hear her breath of relief as her hand closes over the the small book.

“Did you want to grab anything else while we are here? Photos, clothes, anything?” As soon as her feet hit the ground Hank is ready to go, but if this is the only time she’s going to be back in this house, he wants her to get what she wants. 

When she looks up at him, it’s with dull, flat eyes. She just wants to go back. Back to two weeks ago, she doesn’t want to be here.

“Hailey?” She’s starting to freak Jay out. It’s almost like she’s not even here. Like she’s just a puppet on a string going through the motions. He wants to grab her and shake her back to herself. This is not the Hailey they know.

“There’s nothing here for me. There was only ever Charlotte...everything else...it’s all tainted.” She brushes past the two of them, thinking only of getting out. The wedding picture, one of the maybe ten pictures in this entire place stops her in her tracks on the way out. She’d not been paying attention walking back, but now she sees it, and her eyes take in her 17 year old self.

They must have known. It had to have been impossible to not see how terrified she had been that day. She looks at it, and all she can see and feel is the fear. The things he had done to her body that night...what he had made her do. It all comes crashing back to her and before she even realizes what’s happening, the picture frame is shattered at her feet.

Her eyes had been lifeless even then, and they stare up at her beneath the broken glass. The room starts to spin and she sways, catching herself on the wall. She tries to tell them she is okay, but nothing comes out. Her body just tilts sideways before sliding lifelessly to the floor.  
_-_

If she wasn’t so tired, she’d be embarrassed. She had fainted...she thinks. She’s never actually fainted before, but now as she sits on the bed in the hotel room, she’s sure that’s what happened. One second she had been in the hallway with Hank and Jay, and then the picture had thrown her back to her wedding night. It had sounded like a train was coming straight for her, then nothing. When she woke up, Jay was carrying her to the truck. They’d all been scared, and worried when she went down, but Jay had managed to catch her just before she fell into the shards of glass littering the floor.  
_-_

There’s a knock at the door, and she wonders if they will just go away if she doesn’t answer. Seconds later, she hears the click of the lock and then the door is opening. She stares at the floor as the men all enter the room. They’ve got a couple of pizzas and they seem to not care that the last thing Hailey wants right now is their company.

Hank sets a plate with a slice of pizza on the bed next to her and then sits down on the other side. He knows the planning of this trip has been stressful, but she hasn’t been taking care of herself, and it shows in her sunken cheeks and eyes. She’s lost weight in the last week, and he just wants her to eat something. 

When she makes no move at all to eat the pizza, Hank reaches for the plate and sets it in her lap. She looks down and shakes her head, silently telling him she doesn’t want it, but he just takes her hand and places the pizza in it.

“You need to eat Hailey. Even if it’s a couple bites...just please, eat something.” If he wasn’t so afraid of causing more damage, he’d force the pizza on her. Honestly at this point, even a tiny slice of the pepperoni would be a win.

They all jump at the sudden sound of Hank’s phone ringing. It’s Trudy, and Hailey’s stomach plummets when he says her name. It’s after 10:00pm in Chicago. Her only thought is that something must be wrong. 

“Is she okay? What happened? Put her on the phone.” Hailey’s voice is full of panic, and she hurries to switch to a video call. She needs to see her daughter. She needs to know she is okay.

“Charlie, your moms on the phone.” Trudy had handed the phone to Vanessa who was on the couch with Charlotte. 

Her heart feels like it will never be whole again when she sees Charlotte shake her head no burrow her face into Vanessa’s side. Her breath hitches and she’s suddenly at a loss for words. Her daughter doesn’t want to speak her. She had left without saying goodbye and now Charlotte wouldn’t even look at her. She tries to tell her she loves her and she will be back soon, but the words come out more broken sobs than anything.

She feels Kevin take the phone, and then her face is pressed against Hank’s shoulder. She doesn’t know if he pulled her there, or if she just sort of fell there. Either way, she finally loses the battle. She sobs and sobs until she feels like she can’t breath and then she starts again. She feels Hank lay her back on the bed, and someone is taking off her shoes. They pull a blanket over her, and she falls into a fitful sleep with Hank sitting next to her, hand clasped tightly in her, and Jay in the chair next to the bed. Kevin stays on the couch like he’s guarding the door, and Hailey realizes that this isn’t even the worst part.

She will never make it through the rest of the week.


	6. Winter2.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kids...

“She wasn’t ready! We should have waited, and now it’s all gone to shit. That’s on you.” Jay stands right in Voight’s face. He feels like Hank had pushed her to do this and now Hailey is so fucking gone that he worries she won’t be able to find her way back.

“Back up Halstead. You know why we did it this way. Waiting for him to find her was never going to be an option.” A part of him knows Jay isn’t completely wrong in his accusations, but this was the best way to go. 

“Hailey is tough. She’s gonna bounce back from this. And we are gonna be there to make sure she does. Bottom line.” Kevin is just trying to keep things from blowing up. They’ve both got valid points but Hailey doesn’t need them fighting with each other.

Jay sighs and steps back. Watching her walk through that house like a zombie and then seeing her break down once they got to the hotel had killed him. He wants to take away this pain for her, but he doesn’t know how. 

He had hardly slept at all last night. When Hank had left her side to go to his bed, Jay had taken his place. He’d rolled up the top comforter and placed it like a barrier between them. He lay on his side with her hand once again in his, but sleep didn’t come. He’d opened her journal while he sat in the chair earlier, and the images of Hailey...he had actually cried for her last night. The photos and entries had given him a first hand seat to the horrors she had survived. 

Every entry had turned his stomach, and the pictures that were the worst were the ones where her eyes were visible. Most of them were pictures of her body, her legs and torso. Out of all the pictures, only seven were of her face. They seemed to belong to some of the more severe beatings she’d taken. Her eyes looked into the mirror, and even in the low quality of the instant film, he could see the way her blue eyes had gone flatter and flatter until the last photo. She looked like a corpse. Her eyes were completely void of any life, and every time he closed his eyes, he saw them. If he’s having this hard of a time, he wonders how Hailey is even managing to do it.

“I’m just worried about her.” Jay sinks back onto the couch and rubs at his tired eyes. 

“I can handle it.” They all turn to see her standing just inside the connecting door. Even though her voice is raspy from all the crying she’d done, there’s a quiet strength behind it that has them believing her. “I know that in the grand scheme of things, yesterday was the easy part, but for me...going back to that place was a lot.” She steps fully into the room but doesn’t make any move to sit. “I’m sorry you saw me like that, but I know I can do this. I want to finish this and go home.” Home to Chicago, to her daughter. To the life she wants to live.

_-_

It’s pretty much a waiting game after they get the journal. They still have two days before Cade will return from his trip. They all feel a little stir crazy after taking the first full day to sort of regroup and give Hailey the space she needs to collect herself. Kevin manages to convince Hailey and Jay to get out of the rooms while Hank does some work, and now they are sitting at a little cafe with outdoor tables.

Hailey sips at her tea and lets her eyes travel the streets. She grew up not too far from here, but she’s never been here. Cade would never have let her come here either. He had approved everything from shops to doctors offices. She went where he told her to go. 

Jay nudges Hailey after saying her name two times already. The waitress is ready to take their order, and he doesn’t think she’s even looked at the menu.

“What are you getting?” Jays voice brings her back, and she looks at table. She isn’t hungry, but she doesn’t want a lecture right now either. 

“What’s the soup?” She listens as the waitress lists the soups for the day, and decides on the tomato soup. She can see Jay wants to say something, but thankfully he keeps it to himself.

Kevin tries to lighten the mood by telling all kinds of stories and Hailey is grateful for that. She doesn’t want to be stuck inside her own head, and focusing on his stories helps a little. Jay laughs and chimes in too, and when she eats nearly all her soup and half her grilled cheese, he smiles brightly at her, and she offers a small smile in return.

_-_

Jay sits out on the balcony organizing the photos from the journal. Hank had spent the afternoon making copies of the journal and scanning the photos and he wants to set it back the way it was. 

It’s nearly 2:00am and even though the lights are still bright below, it’s mostly quiet out. He soaks it in knowing things are going to pick back up tomorrow. The sound of the door sliding open and closed followed by what he thinks is crying breaks the silence. He watches as Hailey moves to the ledge. She’s wrapped in a blanket, and her blonde hair stands out in the dark. He’s not hiding, but he is tucked back into the corner, hidden slightly in the shadows. He clears his throat and hates that she jumps, whirling around to face him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I wasn’t sure if you saw me or not.” He stands and moves the loveseat he was in towards her before siting in the other smaller chair.

She hadn’t seen him and she thinks if this was the first time he’d seen her crying, she’d be more embarrassed...but it’s probably the fifth time now, and she’s past that stage now. She wipes her face with the corner of the blanket before sitting down opposite Jay.

“How was your call back home?” She’d closed herself in her room after dinner and this is the first time seeing her since. When she only lets out a deep sigh, he nods in understanding.

“She will come around Hailey. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“I hate that I left her. She must be so scared and confused. I just left. I...I didn’t even say goodbye, and now she’s not talking again and I’m not there.” Her lips tremble slightly and she closes her eyes to stop the tears. She doesn’t hear him move, but he’s suddenly sitting next to her on the large chair. She doesn’t fight as he wraps her in his arms, but her body stays stiff. She’s so tired of crying, but she lets the tears come. Something about Jay makes her feel safe, and maybe even wanted. It’s new and scary but she finds herself relaxing completely against him.

At some point, Jay wakes and realizes they both fell asleep, still wrapped against each other. He checks his watch and sees it’s after five and he gently wakes Hailey up. Even though it’s not freezing, he can feel her shivering under the thin blanket in the cool morning air. She mumbles something and tucks herself further into his side, her face pressed against his neck. He laughs lightly and pulls her up to her feet with him.

“Come on. If you get into bed now, you can sleep for another hour or two before we have to be ready.” He keeps an arm around her and walks with her to the bed in her room. 

“Can you stay with me?” Her quiet question has him turning back to the bed. A part of him wants to tell her no. It’s the small part of him that fears Voight, but he finds himself dragging the chair over to the side of the bed anyway. She looks at him like she wants to tell him to use the bed, but he takes her hand and gives it a little squeeze. He keeps her hand tucked in his as he leans back and closes his eyes. 

_-_

“You ready for this kid?” Hank stands with Hailey on the sidewalk outside Cade’s tech company. According to his schedule, he has an hour break from 9-10 and they plan to take that time to confront him.

“Does it matter?” It’s not like he’s going to turn back if she says no.

It’s only the two of them going into the building. Jay and Kevin are staying in the truck and are going to be listening and recording the meeting from the little comms system they’d borrowed from the unit.

They are given access to the private elevator that only runs with access from Cade. The woman at the counter had seemed completely surprised when she’d said she was Cade’s wife. After a quick phone call, they had been to told to go right up.

Hank’s hand is warm and comforting against her back, and she tries to draw strength from him. She can feel her stomach turning violently, and she only hopes she isn’t going to get sick.

“Hailey! Thank god!” Cade rushes toward them the moment the elevator doors open. He only stops when Hank steps in front of Hailey, effectively blocking him from her. He has the nerve to looked confused and hurt, and it makes her so angry.

“You don’t touch her. You don’t look at her.” Hank steps closer and closer to Cade until he has no choice but to back up. “You deal with me, got it?” His hard stare leaves no room for arguments and Cade reluctantly steps back completely and leads them to his office.

This is not how she is used to seeing Hank, and it has her prickling with nerves all over again. She can’t help but flinch when he touches her arm. All she feels is shame, if Hank wasn’t blocking the door, she would try and run for it.

“What did you tell him?” Cade looks at Hailey with his signature stare. He can’t believe she came back, but if she thinks she’s gonna walk away again, she’s crazy. He owns her. He spent seven years molding her into the exact person he wanted. He’s put in too much time and effort and her leaving has made him the laughing stock among his friends. The second he gets her alone she will wish she never left.

“Seriously...she’s a serial liar. You can’t listen to her.” 

“You think this is some kind of game? That I’m just here to bring her back to you?” When Voight sees the sickening smile come over Cade’s face, he almost loses it. If it wasn’t for Hailey practically shrinking into the chair beside him, he would show him exactly what he is capable of. “You don’t know me or what I can do, but let me fill you in. See, I’m a high ranking sergeant for an elite unit that deals with scum like you on the daily. Unfortunately for you, I’m not here as a cop, and you know what that means?” Voight stands and walks to Cade, leaning against the desk. His smirk grows when he sees the sweat on Cade’s face. Good, he’s nervous.

“It means I got no rules. Nothing is keeping me in check. You think you ‘know’ people? They’re nothing compared to the people I know. So here’s what’s gonna happen. Hailey wants to get a divorce, and unless you want us to tell your secrets to the world, you’re gonna sign the papers and you’ll forfeit your parental rights to Charlotte, and then forget you ever met her.”

“No.” He says it with a sort of dark glee and Voight wants to knock the look right off his face.

“Whatever she told you is all lies. There’s no proof.” Cade sits back in his chair and crosses his arms. They can’t come in here and force him to do this. They have not a single shred of credibility. 

Voight doesn’t speak, he just pulls the papers from the inside pocket and sets them in front of Cade. 

Hailey watches as Cade flips through the pages. She sees his face pale right before it flushes red with anger. 

It happens in slow motion. Cade knocks Hank’s feet sideways with a rough kick, sending him crashing to the floor, seconds before he lunges over the table at Hailey. He knocks into the chair, flipping it backwards as his hands wrap around her throat, and all Hailey has time to do is suck in a quick breath before he squeezes tightly and spots dance in front of her eyes. She’s vaguely aware of shouting and then she’s being lifted off the floor by someone and carried out of the room.

_-_

Jay and Kevin had had a bad feeling from the start. They had originally decided to stay in the truck, but the more the bad feeling grew, the more they thought they needed to be up there. They stayed back maybe fifteen minutes before leaving the comms system running and entering the building. They flash their badges and get access to the floor they need and the ride up seems endless. When they exit the elevator, its just in time to hear a loud roar of rage followed by a huge crash. 

Jay is the first to enter the room and what he sees has his vision going red. He sees Voight on the floor, slightly stunned as blood trickles down the side of his head. He grabs Cade by the back of his neck and rips him off Hailey. He yells at Kevin to get her out of here, and then he loses it. His hand connects with his face in the most satisfying thud, and his arm is pulling back again before he even realizes it.

This is the guy that broke her. This is the guy that forced her to do horrible things and have horrible things done to her over and over. He’s completely blind with anger. 

_-_ 

When Hailey realizes it is Kevin that got her out of the room, she struggles to get down.

“Let me down. Kevin, let GO!” Hailey knows her voice is pure panic, but Jay and Voight are still inside the room with Cade and she needs to get back and make sure Cade isn’t playing dirty. He finally sets her down, but he tells her to stay back. Hailey uses all her strength to push him out of the way. She caught him off guard...it’s the only reason she got past him. 

She is so unprepared for what she finds back inside the office. Jay is beating Cade and all she can see is the blood on Cades face and covering Jay’s knuckles. This isn’t what she wants. She never wanted to do it this way. 

Somehow she finds her voice and she’s screaming at Jay to stop. “You’re going to kill him Jay. Please!” She steps forward, intent on stopping him herself, and then Jay’s elbow is connecting with the side of her face. She cries out in shock and stumbles backwards, hands cupping her face. 

At the sound of Hailey’s shocked cry, Jay snaps out of it. He slowly stands up and then turns to see her sprawled on the floor. He had hit her. Accident or not, he had hurt her. He takes a step towards her, and stops short.

“Don’t.” Hailey’s hands shoot out in defense. She doesn’t want to be touched. She doesn’t want to see the blood and she can barely handle the look on Jay’s face. It’s devastation, and it’s a look she recognizes well. 

“Get back to the truck Halstead. Now.” Hank is obviously pissed and he’s also got an insane headache. He’d clipped the corner of the desk on his way down, and his head hasn’t stopped pounding. He needs to get this situation under control and quickly. 

The second Jay leaves, he turns to Hailey and is relieved to see she is standing now. Her cheek is red and already starting to swell, but it looks like it could have been a lot worse. It looks like Jay’s elbow had landed a glancing blow instead of being dead on. If he hadn’t seen the look on Jay’s face when he realized he had hit her, he’d lay into him himself, but he knows he’s already beating himself up over it.

He hears a door open and watches as Cade enters the bathroom attached to his office. He tells Hailey to stay put and follows him inside. He takes stock of the mans injuries and is pleased to see that it looks like only one of Jay’s punches hit his face. His eye and cheek are swollen and it will definitely be bruised tomorrow. His nose doesn’t look broken, but it had gotten hit hard enough to make it bleed.

“I want your badge number.” Cade is furious. He is going to have this guys job, no doubt about it. He’s surprised when he doesn’t even hesitate.

“32419. But before you go and report me, I want to know this whole meeting was recorded. Audio and video both.” Voight can see Cade think about this, but it doesn’t phase him for long.

“Good luck bringing it to court. We both know you don’t have a warrant.” He sneers at Hank, thinking he has the upper hand here.

Hank studies him and knows that even if they accomplish what they set out to do here, this guy is going to turn around and do it to someone else. A part of him wishes he could handle this the way he would have ten years ago. They’d never even find a body if he had his way...but he’s rebuilt his life after his son died. He’s got people who depend on him, and the thought of letting them down...of letting Hailey down...he can’t do it. 

“I don’t need a warrant to ruin your reputation. How many contracts and business deals will you lose if this gets out? Are you prepared to jeopardize all that? For what? Someone you don’t even loved? She was just a toy to you. Let her go. Sign the papers and let her go.” He sets the divorce papers down and shoves a pen at Cade. He silently sends a quick thanks to Platt for getting the emergency court order for the papers, one of her many famous favors she’s owed. He holds his breath as he watches Cade sign the papers. It’s a small victory. It’s not how he saw this going today.

“You’re wrong you know. I did love her.” Cade sets the pen down and turns the faucet on, wetting a cloth and wiping his face. “And she loved the things I did to her. You should have heard her scream...” He doesn’t get to finish because Hank punches him hard in the stomach. 

He bends down and gets close to Cade’s ear. “I will not hesitate to come back here if I hear about you doing this to someone else.” His fingers dig into Cade’s shoulders as he speaks. “And if you even think about coming after her...your life will be over, and I’m not talking about your reputation. Do you understand?” He doesn’t wait for an answer just shoves him away from him, and grabs the papers and pen on the way out. 

Hailey is still standing where he left her, and he approaches her slowly. “It’s over Hailey. Let’s go.” When she makes no move to walk, he gently takes her hand and pulls her from the room. 

“You’re bleeding.” Hailey mentions it, and she’s sure he already knows, but it’s the only thing that come to her mind to say.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s just get back to the hotel okay?” They exit the elevator and then the lobby and he sees Kevin waiting in the drivers seat of the truck. It doesn’t go unnoticed by either of them that Jay is nowhere to be seen. No one mentions Jay though. The ride back to the hotel is quiet and subdued. Even though they got the papers signed, it doesn’t feel like anything has changed. 

_-_

The first thing Hailey notices when she gets back into the rooms is that they’re empty. She had hoped Jay would be back and they could talk. She doesn’t want him to think she’s afraid of him. She knows it was an accident, but she isn’t sure he does. And if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s hers for trying to stop him. She tells Hank she’s going to get changed and then pack up before closing the connecting door. They had changed their flights so they could leave immediately. 

She tries to call him, but it goes straight to voicemail, and she’s too drained to be angry at him. She tosses her phone on the bed and begins to pack her things up. She can hear Hank and Kevin talking next door and she listens to see if they mention Jay but his name never comes up. 

The knock on the door startles her, and she’s rushing to the main door hoping it’s Jay. She barely gets the door handle turned before it’s slammed in on her and the blow stuns her and she drops to the floor. She barely registers a body moving past her, and she turns her head slowly and she sees the person shoving the mattress against the connecting door, before moving back and locking the main door.

“Hailey, Hailey, Hailey...did you really think it was going to be that easy?” Cade looks down at her and pulls the gun from behind him and he points it right after. 

“Not a sound...Get up.”

She doesn’t move. She knows he’s going to kill her, but if he thinks she’s going to just do whatever he says this time around, he’s wrong. She isn’t going to make this easy for him.

“Actually, the floor works just fine.” He stalks towards her and she’s not quick enough to escape him. He yanks her up by the hair and pulls her close to his face. “I own a fucking tech company. How hard did you think it was going to be to find you once you came back? I always knew you were stupid, but this is a new low.” It had taken minutes to pull the security feed from the front of the building. Plates were ran, credit cards checked, and he had found the hotel all in less than a half hour. It really was too easy.

He digs the gun into her ribs, and she hates the whimper that escapes. She wants to yell out for Hank and Kevin, but she doesn’t know that Cade won’t shoot them so she stays quiet, protecting them the only way she can.

“Did you spread your legs for him? Don’t lie to me, Hailey. Did you fuck him?”

Her head is shaking back and forth as best as she can to tell him no. She doesn’t even know who he’s referring to, but the answer is no regardless. She can’t hide the revulsion oh her face when he presses his lower half against her. She wonders if Hank and Kevin know something is wrong. She can’t seem to focus on anything but keeping Cade calm.

“You want me to take care of you, baby?” His breath is hot against her ear and the hand that isn’t holding the gun takes the opportunity to roam her body. He laughs as she shivers against him. “Still so fucking sensitive...even after all this time.” He drags her from the door, thinking of getting her to the bed,but he forgot he used the mattress to block the other door. The floor really will have to do.

He shoves her to he knees and the familiar sound of his zipper being lowered terrifies her...no...that’s not exactly it. She’s furious. She’s so mad she let this happen again. Why won’t he just let her go? She barely registers him telling her not to even think about biting him, and then he pulls her face towards him. She only has a second to decide, but knows she won’t let him do this to her again. 

Cade lets out a groan of satisfaction when he feel her hands wrap around him. She really was the best little whore he ever had. He pumps his hips roughly towards her, his way of telling her he wants her mouth, and then before he can comprehend what’s happening blinding pain is radiating up from his groin.

Hailey feels a wave of satisfaction as her fist connects with his balls for a second time before Cade drops to the floor gagging and clutching at himself. She lunges for the gun he dropped, and just as her fingers touch the barrel, she’s pulled backwards by the neck of her sweat. The fabric burns around her neck before she hears it tear.

Cade can’t believe she had fought back. It wasn’t allowed. She was his, and she would do as he told her to. He just needed to remind her, that’s all.

Hailey tries to stay focused. She doesn’t remember if she screamed for help or not, but she’s pretty sure the pounding isn’t only coming from her rapidly beating heart anymore. She can hear Hank’s concerned voice from behind the connecting door, and when she’s about to call out to him, Cade lands a hard hit to her mouth. She can taste the blood filling her mouth just as his hands rip at her clothes.

He seems to be focused on doing what he always does. Just trying to hurt her, humiliate her by using her body, but all Hailey cares about is the gun. She spits blood from her mouth at his face just as his hands rip her sweatshirt completely off. She uses the moment of surprise to roll slightly and shove back for the gun, and she let’s out a sob of relief.

Cade wipes his eyes and then freezes when he sees her holding the gun. “You gonna shoot me Hailey?” He taunts her, thinking she’s too weak and scared to actually do it. 

“Just let me go. Please, just stop.” She doesn’t want to do this. Killing him is something she thought about doing a hundred times, but that was just fantasy. She doesn’t think she can actually go through with it.

“You can’t do it. You belong to me and you know it.” He’s got that smirk again and it makes her hate him even more.

Hailey watches as he stalks towards her. This will never be over is all she keeps thinking, and then she thinks of her daughter and she raises the gun just before Cade reaches her. She thinks the look of complete shock on his face is the most satisfying thing she has ever seen.

When Hank and Kevin finally finally get into the room, they see Hailey on the floor with a gun raised at Cade. Hank doesn’t even hesitate, he rushes forward, his only thought is stopping Hailey from doing this. He knows he could live with taking this guys life, but Hailey wouldn’t survive taking a life. She isn’t built that way. 

As Hank reaches Hailey, he hears Kevin take Cade down, cuffing him quickly. He steps cautiously in front of her as Kevin calls it in.

“Hailey.” Her eyes look right through him, and the way the gun trembles in her shaking hands worries him. “Hailey, look at me kid. Give me the gun.” Hank reaches slowly for her hand and when he doesn’t feel any resistance, he pulls the gun free and quickly tucks it in his back pocket.

He looks around quickly for something to cover her up with. What’s left of her sweatshirt is dangling from her left arm and she’s just in a bra. He finds a t-shirt and helps her into it. He checks her over for serious injuries, and she lets him move her body around like a child playing with a doll. When he’s sure she isn’t hurt too badly, he pulls her from the floor and takes her next door to wait for the cops. They show up quickly and their statements are taken fast and efficiently. Hank is pretty happy about that. All he wants to do is get Hailey out of here. Away from this.

There’s a commotion at the door and Hank looks up to see Jay, his face full of guilt and anguish at not having been here. He’s obviously piecing together what happened. He can see Jay take in Hailey’s appearance and he tells the officers keeping him back that he’s with them.

_-_

When Jay had left the office building, he just need to get away. He couldn’t get the shocked look of Hailey’s face out of his mind. He had decided to walk back to the hotel thinking of ways to apologize to her. He is prepared to just stay away from her after that, because the last thing he wants is to force her to be around him when she is scared of him. 

He gets lost on the way back and it takes double the time to get back. When he finally gets on the right street, the sound of sirens has his pace picking up. They could be going anywhere...he knows this, but a part of him is convinced it’s Hailey. His brisk walk turns into a jog and then a full out sprint when the hotel comes into view, surrounded by cops and a couple ambulances. He see’s Cade being loaded into the back of a cop car, and he rushes to the stairs. He can’t wait on the elevator right now.

His heart drops when he sees the cops standing outside of their rooms. He shouts for them, trying to force his way into the room, the worst scenarios flashing through his head. When Hank tells the cops to let him in, he rushes into the room. 

Hailey is sitting on the bottom of the bed next to Hank, her hands clasped tightly between her knees. She’s staring at the floor.

“Hank I...I’m so sorry. I should have been here...” He doesn’t finish because Hank cuts him off.

“It’s okay Halstead. This isn’t your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.” He gives Hailey’s knee a squeeze. “You can’t predict crazy, and that guy is the definition of very word.” He tells Jay to give his statement and looks back to Hailey. 

He’s proud of her. Proud of the way she handled herself today. Nothing had gone to plan, but she had kept her wits about her and fought back when she needed to. There isn’t much he would have done differently if he’d been in her shoes. Except maybe pull the trigger.

He pulls her into his side as she tells him she just wants to go home. They’ve got a long road ahead of them. It’s going to take time to get things in order here before they can get back to Chicago.


	7. Winter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out having the week off wasn’t as great as I thought it would be...I feel as though I’ve accomplished nothing...thanks for the reviews!!~Nan

It takes two days of meetings with the LAPD before they can head back to Chicago. They had given multiple statements, shared their recordings, and gave them Hailey’s copied journal. They’d asked them so many questions, in so many different ways, gathering as much facts as they could. If Hank wasn’t telling her how these investigations worked, Hailey would have thought they were trying to make this whole thing seem like it was their fault. The only good thing right now was that Cade had been denied bail and placed in gen pop, which Hank said was good because he would get a taste of his own medicine there.

They had planned to be in LA for a week tops, and they are leaving only one day later than expected. Hailey knows people are staring at her as they walk through the terminal, or rather the myriad of bruises covering her neck and the side of her face. The straight line bruise from when the door smashed into her face is the strangest bruise Hailey had ever seen. It looked like someone had taken a paint brush and swiped a thick dark blue/green line from above her eyebrow straight down and through her lip. All in all, she doesn’t think it’s that bad compared to the other times. Honestly at this point, she doesn’t care if they stare. She just wants to get on the plane and go home.

She chooses the window seat and lets out a relieved sigh when Hank takes the seat next to her. Kevin and Jay are across the isle from them. At least she won’t have to hold a conversation with them. She doesn’t pretend to sleep this time, just stares out the window at the quilted patches of land below when she can see it, counting the minutes until she sees Charlotte.

_-_

They are coming down the escalators to baggage claim when Hank nudges her and nods to the left. There, waiting just outside the luggage carousel is Trudy, Vanessa, and Charlotte. Hailey quickly descends the escalator and practically runs to them. It registers in her mind that Charlotte is partially hiding behind Vanessa, but when Hailey gets to them and crouches down, she steps out a little.

“Hey sweets.” She manages a tremulous smile and she can feel the tears building. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry I had to leave.” Hailey opens her arms a little, afraid she won’t be able to handle it if Charlotte refuses. She watches as Charlotte hesitantly steps forward, taking in the sight of her bruised face, and then she launches herself at Hailey, knocking her backwards. She doesn’t care that she is sitting on the floor in the middle of the airport, or that everyone can see and hear her crying. Her daughter is safe and in her arms, and a small part of the life they had built rights itself once again.

Charlotte ignores everyone else, even Hank. She doesn’t even acknowledge Kevin’s try at a high five. She just presses her face against Hailey’s shoulder while she carries her back out through the airport. One of her hands is playing with the hair of Hailey’s ponytail, and the other one is fisted tight in her jacket. When she starts to cry at Hailey setting her in the car seat, and not being in her mothers arms, Hailey nearly loses it all over. She rushes to the the other side and slides in next to Charlotte, holding her hands in hers the entire way home.

Hailey only half listens to Trudy and Vanessa telling them about their week with Charlotte. It surprises her and breaks her heart equally when Vanessa tells Hailey that while Charlotte didn’t speak to them, she had cried, asking for her every night. When Charlotte decides she doesn’t want to speak, that’s usually it...no words at all. So to hear that she had cried for Hailey was new, but still painful to hear.

_-_

She had politely declined dinner with Hank, choosing instead to stay in with Charlotte. They had ate dinner on the couch, just the two of them, cuddled close together. They had watched Frozen for the thousandth time, but Hailey didn’t care. She’d watched as Charlotte’s little mouth turned up in a smile at her favorite parts, and she thinks she would suffer through the movie a million more times if it meant seeing her happy again.

Later, after bath time and a quick shower for Hailey, they lay in bed facing each other. Hailey tells Charlotte that she loves her and how sorry she is again for leaving, but Charlotte only stares back at her. Hailey reaches out and pulls Charlotte into her chest, and waits for sleep to come. 

She’s still waiting hours later, unable to shut her mind off. A part of her keeps waiting for Cade to come bursting into the bedroom. She knows he’s in LA, but the fear that he will find her is even bigger now after going there and seeing him again. It feels like ‘normal’ is even further away than before.

_-_

After two days of shutting themselves off from everyone, Hailey decides it’s time to start trying to get back to normal. She makes a list of things she needs to get done. At the very top is not really something she can make happen, but it doesn’t mean she can’t try, because let’s face it, getting Charlotte to talk again would be a great Christmas gift. 

After that, gift shopping is next. Christmas had always been a very quiet event, and Hailey wants this first Christmas here in Chicago to be the most magical one ever. She adds some other things after shopping too. She needs to thank everyone for for their help, especially Trudy and Vanessa. Obviously she needs to thank Hank, Kevin, and Jay too. She isn’t sure how to thank them though...is there even a way thank them for what they did for her?

She finds herself once again inside the busy hub of the district, looking for Trudy. She and Vanessa are first on her list of things to do. 

“Hailey.” 

She turns to see Trudy emerge from a room behind the front desk and smiles as she walks to her.

“Sergeant Platt.” Hailey isn’t sure if she is allowed to call her Trudy here, so she sticks with formal. “I was hoping to catch you on a break, but then I realized that I have no idea when your breaks are.” Hailey shifts Charlotte, feeling a little awkward now. She should have called or something.

“Lucky for you, I can do what I want.” Platt smirks at her before yelling over her shoulder. “Duncan! Man the desk until I get back.” And then she gives him a stare for good measure before leading Hailey into a small office at the bottom of the stairs.

“What can I do for you.” She speaks to Hailey, but she gives Charlotte a little wave and smiles when she returns it, even if she does it shyly.

“I just wanted to thank you again for looking after Charlotte last week. I saw some of the pictures you guys drew and it looks like you had a good time. It’s nice knowing I have people I can trust with her.” She fidgets with her jacket a little before continuing. “And what you did for me to help out with Cade...I’ll never be able to repay you for that. If there’s ever anything you need from me, I’d be happy to help.” There’s no tears, but her voice does get a little thick at the end.

“I didn’t do it for you to owe me...you know that, right?” Trudy levels her gaze on Hailey. “I don’t expect anything in return. You needed help and I was able to give you that help. Friends do that for each other.” She wants to say that’s what family does, but she isn’t sure Hailey is ready to hear that yet.

“I know, it just...it’s all still new and I feel...I’m so grateful to you all.” She steps forward, hesitating at Trudy’s raised eyebrows, then gives her a quick hug anyway. “Thank you.”

When she steps back, Hailey takes Charlotte’s hand and then starts to walk to the door, stopping when Trudy calls out to her.

“You know Goldilocks...If you feel like you need to repay me, you can always teach me how to make that whipped cream of yours.” She grins slyly, and joins Hailey with a laugh. “I’m kidding...or am I?”

She manages to thank Kevin and Vanessa while she’s there too. The rest of the team is out, so it’s just the four of them. Hailey feels like she is smiling like a fool, but Vanessa had asked Charlotte if she wanted her to braid her hair, and she had excitedly nodded yes. Her daughter is still in there, and even though it seems to be taking longer, she is coming back every day.

_-_

Two weeks before Christmas, Hailey still has two things on her list that need done. She’s finished all her gift shopping for everyone, which was a lot harder than she had expected. Getting gifts for Charlotte was easy, it was everyone else that was difficult. She had enlisted Vanessa to help get things for the unit, and she had stashed all the gifts in Hank’s garage. She had also thanked Hank for helping her. All that was left on the list was thanking Jay and hearing Charlotte talk again.

At this point, she isn’t sure which one will happen first, and with Jay taking an undercover assignment, she isn’t sure it will happen at all. She hadn’t tried to contact him until a week after being back. She really wasn’t mad at him. She just needed to get her head back in the right frame of mind. 

As it turns out, she wouldn’t have been able to reach him anyway. Vanessa had told her when she was at the station last week that Jay had pretty much left on an undercover assignment not even 24 hours after being back. She didn’t know how long it would be before he came back. 

That left Charlotte, who hasn’t spoken at all, but she’s quick with a smile, and she had even laughed at a joke from Kevin the other day. Hailey has been going into the station part time in the mornings to get used to working there, and Charlotte had gone to the child watch twice without a tear. She had expected hysterics, or just Charlotte flat out refusing to go inside, but she had reluctantly let go of her mothers hand and went with one of the room leaders. It was just a practice run for when Hailey started full time in the New Year.

_-_

They spend Christmas Eve morning with Hank and his team. The entire team, except for Jay is sitting around eating a late breakfast that Hank and Hailey had made. Hailey’s appetite had come back slowly, but it had come back, and now she in a pancake eating contest with Adam, Kim, and Kevin. She’s laughing around the bite in her mouth when Charlotte decides it’s time to speak.

“Your booboo’s go’ed away mama.” Charlotte had finished her pancakes a while ago and had just been sitting there, watching the competition, and now she is studying Hailey intently.

Hailey hurries to swallow the bite in her mouth, trying not to choke. Everyone has the same look on their face, shock and happiness. They look like they are about to make a big deal about her talking but thankfully Hailey finishes swallowing and turns to her daughter.

“Yeah, I guess they are, huh?” She’s mostly right. They is still some faint bruising on her stomach, just below her ribs on the right side, and if you know what to look for, you can still see traces of the bruise from the door. 

“I’m all better now.” She watches as Charlotte nods slightly, her mouth working like she wants to say something else. “Did it scare you to see me like that, sweets?” Hailey reaches out and brushes her curls away from her face so she can really see her and Charlotte nods again.

“I don’t want him to come here with us.” Charlotte’s lips tremble and it crushes Hailey to see her like this. Aside from the talking issue, she really had adjusted well, and Hailey had thought that the horrors of their past just didn’t affect her that much. Obviously she was wrong. It turns out Charlotte has the same habit as her mother, and bottles a lot of things up. 

Hailey forgets that she isn’t alone with Charlotte because she is so focused on only her. She pulls her onto her lap and wraps her tightly in a hug, not caring that Hank and his team are getting a front row seat to this moment.

“He isn’t going to come here Charlotte. That’s why I went to see him. To make sure he would leave us alone. Everyone here helped. They all did something for us to make sure we don’t have to go back to that ever again.” Hailey opens her eyes now, silently thanking them all once again for their generosity.

“He’s not very nice...and I don’t like the way he smells.” Charlotte’s nose wrinkles a little and Hailey lets out a laugh at that. She isn’t wrong...Cade had thought that the more expensive the cologne, the better. He smelled a lot like moth balls and dirt...very unpleasant.

“Okay, but for real Charlie, who smells better...Me or Adam?” They all burst out laughing when she chooses Hank over the two of them, and Hailey is thankful for the distraction. This discussion isn’t over, but it will be easier in private.

When breakfast is over, they move into the living room and watch a movie. They choose “The Polar Express” and neither Charlotte or Hailey has ever seen it. They both love it, and everyone’s smiles are just a little bigger when Charlotte chimes in here and there on the movie. It’s going to be the best Christmas.

_-_

They call it an early night, and everyone leaves to be with their respective families around 4:30pm. Hank had offered dinner again to Hailey, not wanting her to be alone, but she had told him that Charlotte needed to calm down a bit...too much sugar she thinks. It’s hard to keep track of what exactly Charlotte sneaks when they are all together, and occasionally Hailey has to deal with the ensuing sugar crash.

She’s just getting Charlotte settled after her bath when she hears knocking at the door. She moves cautiously to the door, checking the clock t see it’s almost 8:45pm. It still makes her heart race when people come over unannounced.

“Hailey? It’s just me.” Hank’s muffled voice comes through the door, and she hurries to unlock it.

“Everything okay?” She’s a little worried, and hopes they didn’t get called on a case. 

“Yeah...yeah, everything is good. I was just gonna call you, but you left your phone at my house anyway, so I figured I’d just come up.” He hands her the phone, and then tucks his hands inside his jacket. It’s below freezing outside, and add in the windchill...they were barely at 0 degrees tonight. 

“I was turning out the front lights and saw Jay’s truck pull in up the street.” Just as he thought, Hailey’s eyes perked with interest, and he finds himself offering to look after Charlotte if she wants to run up and see him. He knows she wants to talk to him about what happened in LA. He had tried to talk Jay out of going under, but he had made up his mind, and he left without so much as a goodbye to anyone.

“You don’t have to, I just thought if you get your talk out of the way tonight, and he shows up tomorrow...just trying to make everyone as comfortable as possible you know?” He isn’t trying to overstep, but he thinks he may have been a little quick to tell Jay to leave her alone. He’s not entirely sure his warning from the night Jay and Hailey first met, didn’t play a small part in Jay’s leaving.

Hailey studies him and thinks it over for a second. She does really want to talk to him, and doing it without having to worry about an audience would be better. She agrees and then tells Charlotte where she will be for a little bit and that Hank is going to stay with her. Hailey hates the flash of worry that passes Charlotte’s eyes quickly. She doesn’t cry though, just takes a deep breath and tells her to come right back, and to tell Jay that she had made a present for him. 

After assuring her she will, Hailey grabs her hat and coat and then laces her boots up before making her way up the street to his house. She wonders is she should call or text him, but decides he probably would ignore them anyway. It’s harder to ignore people when the simply show up unannounced.

She takes a deep breath and then knocks with much more confidence than she feels. Her breath catches when the door opens and Jay’s face comes into view.

“Oh my god!” His left arm is in a sling, and there is a sickly yellow cast to the right side of his forehead, before it turns into a massive bruise that disappears into his hairline. She doesn’t miss the staples in in the middle of that bruise either. “What happened? Are you okay?” He hasn’t opened the glass storm door, but she knows he can hear her. 

“What uh...what are you doing here?” He’s surprised to see her. He thought for sure she would keep her distance, and he had absolutely planned to do the same, especially with the way he looked. She’s seen enough violence and it’s results to last a lifetime. He was trying to spare her more of it.

“Jay...” She doesn’t know what to say to him, but seeing him hurt like this...she doesn’t like it. She watches as he closes his eyes, breathing deeply before opening the glass door and inviting her in from the cold.

“You want something to drink?” He’s relieved when she turns him down. He doesn’t actually have anything to drink except some whiskey and he doesn’t think that’s her thing.

“Jay, what happened?” The side of his head looks even worse in the harsh kitchen lights.

“It looks a lot worse than it is.” He gives her the abbreviated version, a meet gone bad...the other guy looks a lot worse...He can see it doesn’t ease her worry for him though. It honestly was just the wrong place, wrong time kind of thing. He was lucky his partner was there to have his back.

He watches as she moves past him into his kitchen like she has been here a thousand times, even though this is the first time. “What are you doing?” He was serious about not having anything, so hopefully she isn’t looking for that.

Hailey opens his freezer and bites back a laugh. She knows he’s been gone for over a month when you add on the trip to LA, but his freezer is nearly empty. Thankfully there’s a small bag of mixed vegetables that will have to work as an ice pack. She turns and tells him to sit, and she moves to stand in front of him.

“Just be still.” He had moved his head when she first tries to put the makeshift ice pack against the side of his head, so she levels her best stare at him and is happy when he complies.

“Careful.” He hisses.

“Shhh.”

They speak at the same time and then Jay sucks in a breath through his teeth when the coolness hits his scalp, his good hand snaking up and grabbing her wrist to keep the pressure light.

“Sorry.” She just wants to help. She knows how to take care of injuries like this, and even though he’s being a big baby, he lets her help him.

“You left without saying goodbye.” She isn’t really sure where to start, so she says the first thing that pops into her head. “I didn’t even know you were gone...not until Vanessa told me. I wanted to talk to you.” She steps a little closer so her arm isn’t stretched out, and waits for him to say something.

“I just didn’t want you to feel afraid around me. Or be afraid for Charlotte because of what happened.” He drops his eyes like he is ashamed, and he hears her huff out a breath.

“I get that, I do...and I appreciate you thinking that, but if you had waited and let me talk to you, you probably wouldn’t be sitting here on Christmas Eve looking like you went a round with Tyson.” She gives him a sad smile. “I would have told you the second it happened that it was just an accident. That if anyone is to blame for what happened, it was me.” She shakes her head at his look of disbelief. “I just wanted to stop you before it went too far. I wasn’t even thinking about your arm. I practically ran right into your elbow, Jay...not the other way around.” She ducks her head a little to catch his eyes. “It was an accident, and it was in no way your fault. Okay?” She holds his gaze, wanting him to believe her.

“I hurt you...that happened.” He lets her wrist go and stands, backing up a little from her.

“Well yeah...I took an elbow to the face Jay. Of course it hurt...but you didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t set out to hurt me, and I may have come here a little broken and untrusting of pretty much everyone, especially men, but that isn’t the case now. I know Cade was just a bad person. I know that not every guy is like that. I know you aren’t a bad guy, Jay. You’re funny and kind, and you are so patient with me and Charlotte. I don’t want this to ruin the friendship we worked to build. I meant what I said at Thanksgiving. Your friendship means a lot to me, and you are important.” She wants to tell him that she cares about him, but she keeps that last part to herself. Anything more than friendship seems too big at the moment.

“I’m so sorry Hailey.” He believes her, but he still hates what happened. He still feels guilty for marking her face...accident or not.

She steps forward, her hand lightly touching his right shoulder. “I forgive you Jay, please try to forgive yourself too.” She smiles at his smile, and then steps back, her hands tucking into her pockets. “I should get going, I just wanted to tell you that what happened wasn’t you fault, and that I appreciate everything you did to help me out there. Someday I’ll find a way to repay all of you.” She thanks him again and tells him to put the veggie bag back into the freezer so he can use it again in the morning, and then heads to the front door.

“You’re okay if I stop over tomorrow then?” He knows it’s Hank that is throwing the little gathering, but he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“I’ll be hurt if you don’t...and so will Charlotte. She made you something, so you better show up.” She tries to look serious but fails and then smiles brightly at him, before leaving. When she gets to the bottom of the steps at her apartment, she looks back and can just make out the outline of his body, backlit by the porch light. She gives him a little wave and watches as he waves in return before he heads back inside and his light turns out. 

She’s quiet as she enters, aware she’s been gone for almost an hour. She smiles when she sees Hank, eyes closed, but most likely just resting his eyes, holding a sleeping Charlotte. She thanks him and moves to take her from him but he stands easily and heads into the bedroom with her instead. She watches as he tucks her in, and walks behind him back to the front door.

“Everything okay?” Hank pulls his cap on as he takes her in.

“All good. Thanks again...For everything.” She gives him a quick hug and then lets out a squeak of surprise when he squeezes her tight before stepping back.

“You’re always the one thanking me, but if you knew how much you showing up here when you did saved me...” He doesn’t mean to get all emotional on her, but he’s never actually told her how her being here brought something back he thought died with his son. “I had my team, but it was just like I was going through the motions. I was stuck on this train that was going 100 mph and I wanted off but I didn’t know how to do it.” His hand moves to her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m so glad you both are here...and a part of my life. So thank you, Hailey. Thank you for letting me be a part of yours.” He pulls her in for another hug and kisses the top of her head affectionately.

“Happy Christmas Hailey.”

“Happy Christmas Hank.” She wipes at the tears in her eyes as he leaves. Today was such a good day and even if they are happy tears, she doesn’t want to cry tonight. Tomorrow cannot get here fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas and New Years are next!


	8. Christmas

“Mama.” Charlotte’s quiet whisper jolts Hailey out of her sleep. She rolls slightly to move back and look down at her daughter who is staring at her. 

“Hey sweets.” She brushes at her daughters wild curls and leans over to kiss her forehead.

“Mama it’s Christmas!” Hailey laughs as Charlotte’s hands clasp tightly in front of her, trying to contain her excitement.

“It is! Happy Christmas Charlotte!” Hailey nuzzles her neck before blowing a little raspberry causing Charlotte to let out a deep belly laugh. It’s her favorite sound in the whole world.

“We go give presents now?” Almost as soon as Hailey had explained what Christmas was really supposed to be like, Charlotte had been obsessed with getting gifts to give to people. Even if she didn’t know them, she would have a little coloring page, or some stickers to give to them. If she would have spoken, Hailey knows her little voice would have shouted Happy Christmas all day long to everyone she saw. 

“Not just yet. We have to go see what Santa brought you. Should we go see now?” She laughs as Charlotte’s head bobs excitedly and then she bounces off the bed to hurry into the living room. Hailey follows behind her and enters the living room just as Charlotte lets out a breath of wonder.

“Wow! Look mama, he really came!” 

“You want to pick the first present?” Hailey grabs her cell phone so she can snap some pictures during this. She hadn’t gone overboard with gifts, knowing that Hank and the others would probably get her little things too. There are only seven presents under the tree, but Charlotte has never looked happier so she doesn’t feel too bad about not doing more.

Charlotte studies the neatly wrapped presents and takes her time deciding which one to open first. She settles on a medium gift and pulls it out from the little tree they had decorated. She smiles brightly at Hailey when she takes a picture, and then she carefully starts to open the gift.  
Hailey laughs and tells her she can just rip the paper, but she doesn’t listen, choosing to continue delicately peeling the paper off. She thinks this could take a long time to get through all the presents, but she lets her go. Charlotte has always been gentle, and she like that.

“A back pack! Look I got a back pack, mama!” She proudly displays her little yellow back pack with her name embroidered and tiny elephants scattered about. It came with a matching lunch bag that Charlotte insists she needs to use today.

It takes nearly an hour to open the gifts under the tree. Hailey sat back and watched in delight as her daughters excitement grew and grew. She got the back pack and lunch box, a doll that looked just like her, a little zoo play set, a stroller for her doll, and some new clothes, including a beautiful new Elsa dress up dress. She had loved every present and had spent time looking at and admiring her gifts before moving on to the next. 

“There’s no present for you from Santa. He forgot...” Hailey watches as Charlotte’s face falls a little and she hurries to tell her that sometimes you can’t hold the gifts in your hand. That the best gifts are the ones you didn’t even ask for...they just happened. Like them getting to spend this amazing Christmas together in Chicago. She isn’t convinced Charlotte understands, but she doesn’t look like she is going to cry anymore either, and then she is off running towards the couch, disappearing behind it.

“I got something for you.” When she comes back around the couch, she is holding a goofily wrapped gift that is shaped like a thin flat box. Hailey laughs and accepts the gift that she knows Charlotte wrapped herself. It’s covered in stickers and has three brightly colored bows on it.

She isn’t sure what to expect when she opens the gift, but her eyes fill instantly when she removes the last of the paper and turns the purple frame over. It’s a pretty large piece of canvas that has a picture Charlotte drew on it.

“Sweets...” Hailey pulls her in for a hug, it’s such a perfect gift. “I love it!” She listens as Charlotte tells her that Vanessa and Hank had both helped her after Thanksgiving to make this. It’s a picture of the swing out back, and Charlotte is clearly the little girl on it. The picture has Hailey too, and she’s surprised that Hank is in it as well. Across the top of the picture, in Charlotte’s best writing are the words “My Favorite Place” and Hailey smiles through her tears.

“This is my favorite place too.” They sit like that for a bit, both studying the picture, and Hailey thinks how different this day would be if she hadn’t chosen to live here in this little apartment that day. Looking back, it was one of the easiest decisions she’s made since coming to Chicago, and she’s never been happier.

_-_

After cleaning up the gifts, and relaxing with a quick movie over breakfast, they both get changed into their special Christmas pajamas. Vanessa and Kim had joked that everyone should come to Hank’s in pjs, and everyone thought it would actually be fun, so Hailey and Charlotte had picked out the perfect matching set. They are both nutcrackers, and Charlotte giggles the entire short walk to Hank’s about being in pjs outside.

Hailey laughs out an apology as Charlotte rushes Hank the second he opens the door as she tells him Happy Christmas very loudly. Hank laughs too and scoops her up in a hug before pulling Hailey, gifts and all into the house and into the hug as well. He sets Charlotte down before grabbing the gifts from Hailey and moving into the living room with them. 

“Nice pjs.” Hailey grins at him when he laughs. His pjs are simple, but festive. He’s got a dark green thermal henly with tiny gold reindeer all over it and a pair of deep red pants. He completed the look with a pair of ridiculous snowmen slippers.

The rest of the group isn’t coming for another couple of hours, but Hailey had wanted to help out in the kitchen with the dinner they had planned. They move around the kitchen working together and listen as Charlotte tells Hank about her gifts from Santa. She shows him the little lunchbox she got that she tucked some snacks and a drink in. Hank already has all that stuff here for her, but Hailey thinks it’s cute she wanted to use it. 

By the time 4:00pm comes around, Hailey had thought for sure the others would have been here by now. In fact she swore she saw Kevin’s car pass by almost an hour ago. 

“Should we call them?” Hailey worries that maybe something happened, or they are unable to come now, but didn’t want to upset her.

“They’ll be here Hailey. Relax.” Hank tries to reassure her, he knows exactly where his team is though. “We’ve got some time.” He goes to grab her a drink when Charlotte comes sprinting through the kitchen.

“They’re here, they’re here!” She’s running for the door and Hank and Hailey both move into the hallway as she lets everyone in. After wishing everyone a Happy Christmas, they all move into the living room. 

“Sorry we are late. I forgot a gift and had to go back, and Adam here...needed to run to the store.” Kim gives him a pointed look. “Which was a disaster...the only store that was open was a little corner store on the other side of town. So blame him.” Adam looks at Hailey sheepishly, then proclaims he’s starving and they gather around the table to eat.

_-_

Jay manages to brush off most of the questions about his injuries, but Hailey and Kevin walk in the kitchen and interrupt a pretty intense conversation between Jay and Hank. Hank’s face is pretty red, and Jay looks like he would rather be anywhere other than here, in that conversation. She apologizes quickly and tries to back out of the room, but Hank is stopping her and Jay and Kevin brush past her. 

“Is everything okay?” Hailey doesn’t like how thick the tension is, it makes her stomach hurt a little.

“Just having a little talk. It’s okay Hailey.” His eyes narrow a little like he wants her to question him, but she nods and looks away. He had needed to know how bad the injuries actually were, and Jay had given a run down of what happened, and then dropped a pretty big bomb on him. He is going to be out completely for two weeks, and then at least six weeks of desk duty while he rehabs his shoulder. His team will be down a man for at the very least, two months. Not exactly great news for Hank, which is why he was angry with Jay.

“Ready for gifts?” He switches to a smile, sensing her nerves, before walking them both into the living room.

_-_

They had decided to do a grab bag, and drew names at Thanksgiving, but judging from the amount of gifts around the tree, Hailey thinks everyone got something for everyone even if it was small. It makes Hailey happy because she’ll feel less awkward about her gifts.

They let Charlotte go first and Hailey is thankful that most of the gifts are in bags. If they were wrapped, it would take ages to get through. They spoil her and even though a part of her wants to tell them it’s too much, a bigger part is happy that Charlotte gets to experience this kind of holiday. She isn’t just talking about the gifts, that’s a bonus. She means the whole togetherness thing. For so many holidays and birthdays, it had just been Hailey and Charlotte. Cade never cared about them, so he didn’t buy gifts ever, unless it was for a humiliating task. 

They do the grab bag after Charlotte finishes and most of them are really funny gag gifts. Kim had gotten Hailey the most ridiculous sweatshirt she has ever seen. Charlotte doesn’t seem to pick up the fact that the sweater is hideous, and tells Hailey that it is the most beautiful sweater she has ever seen. They all crack up at this.

When all the gifts are given, Hailey asks everyone to gather around the couch so she can get a picture of them in the snow hats she knit for them. They all have matching ones and Charlotte had proudly told everyone she did the little puff balls on the tops of their hats. Hailey gets everyone situated, and then turns to see Hank. He’s standing by the tree and he has another box in his hands.

“Oh please don’t say that’s for Charlotte.” She says it will a smile but she really hopes it isn’t. The girl got way more than she anticipated...she could play with a new toy everyday for the next two weeks without repeating toys.

“Ah...no...this ones for you.” Hank walks towards her and sets the box on the coffee table in front of Hailey. “It’s not a big deal, okay? Just open it up, and then we can take the picture.” He pats her shoulder as he walks past her and sits on the couch next to Vanessa.

She wants to tell him she doesn’t want it. Whatever inside probably is a big deal, or he wouldn’t have said anything. When she hears Adam ask her if she forgot how to open a gift, she shoots him a look, and then begins to peel the paper back.

Her hands start to tremble when she pulls the paper away from the box, and she jerks her hands back like the box is on fire. 

“I...this is too much...I can’t take this.” It’s a top of the line camera. Like a really expensive one. It’s a Nikon DSLR with two lenses and a carry case. The exact one Hailey had looked at when she and Vanessa had gone gift shopping. She remembers telling Vanessa that she used to love taking photos with her grandmothers old 35mm camera, but that Cade had destroyed it in one of his rages. She had looked at this one and remembers thinking that maybe someday she’d be able to splurge on something like this...someday. 

She didn’t ask for it, and she certainly doesn’t feel like she can accept it.

“It’s a gift Hailey. Don’t overthink it.” Vanessa moves to stand by her, handing her a tissue to wipe the tears that are falling.

“I can’t accept this. Seriously, take it back. Please.” $2500 is too much. 

“Okay well before you freak out completely, you should know that it’s from all of us, even Platt. It was her idea actually. Well...I told her about the camera you were looking at, and you know she has a guy for everything. It wasn’t as expensive as you think Hailey. So just say thank you and accept the gift.” She smiles at Hailey, knowing she has talked her into taking the gift.

Hailey pulls Vanessa into a hug and then moves on to the others. She hugs and thanks each and every one of them. When she pulls away from Hank, Jay is standing there. His eyes look a little glassy with pain, and she doesn’t want to hurt him, so she takes his hand tightly in hers thanking him. Her hand stays in his, just staring at him with a bright smile. 

“All right, lets get this opened so we can take the picture.” Kim passes Hailey a pair of scissors, breaking the moment, but Hank says he already had it opened so he could charge the batteries for today. They all pull their hats on and squish around the couch while Hailey sets the camera on the fireplace mantel and turns the timer on. 

“Okay, we’ve got ten seconds, and then it will take five pictures quickly.” She presses the button and rushes to the couch. There’s no open space and she is about to run to the back when Jay pulls her down and she falls half on his non injured side and half on Kim. She is stunned for a second and lets out a little ‘oof’ and then Vanessa tells everyone to smile as the camera captures the moment.

_-_

On New Yeas Eve, Hailey decides she can’t wait any longer to look at the pictures on her new camera. She and Charlotte spend nearly an hour at the photo stand at the local drug store as they sort out and then print the best photos. The camera already had close to 200 photos on it, and Hailey finds some really great shots. She prints off almost all of them in 4x6 prints and then chooses her favorite five to print on 8x10 paper. She is going to fill the large wall in her apartment with photos. After a quick stop at the Dollar Store to get some cheap frames for both sizes, they walk back home. 

“Hailey!” 

“Mama it’s Jay!” Charlotte tugs Hailey faster and runs towards Jay.

“Hey you two. What are you guys up to?” Jay pulls some of the grocery bags from his truck with his free hand and thanks Hailey when she grabs some too, offering to help.

“Having a party?” 

“I wish. You saw my sad food situation last week...Just restocking some essentials.” He unlocks the door and lets them into the house. He listens as Charlotte tells him about the pictures they just got.

“Can I see?” He’s looking at Charlotte, but then his gaze connects with Hailey’s for permission as well. He thanks Hailey as she opens the smaller prints so he can easily flip through them, and then pulls Charlotte up and settles her on his lap to look at the pictures with him. 

Hailey puts his groceries away for him, asking him where most of it goes while he looks through the pictures. When she finishes, she turns to see Jay studying a picture closely.

“Can uh...can I have this one? Or get a copy of it?” 

She knows exactly what picture he’s asking for. It’s the same one she had gotten enlarged for her wall. It’s from the photos she had taken at Christmas where they were all crammed onto the couch. Honestly the picture isn’t even a good one when you look at the whole thing. Adam, Kevin, and Vanessa are all a little blurry with movement, and if you could hear a picture, you’d be able to hear the ‘oof’ Kim had let out when Hailey landed partially on top of her. Hank was in the middle of tickling Charlotte, whose head was tipped back in a laugh, and not a single person was even looking at the camera, but that was Hailey’s favorite part. It was complete chaos and it summed them all up in a single photo perfectly.

The other thing that Hailey liked about the photo was the way she and Jay were looking at each other. While everyone else was lost in their own antics, Hailey and Jay were looking at each other like they were the only two people in the room. It was a split second after he had tugged her onto the couch and she’d turned her head to question him , but when her eyes met his, she found her face breaking into a huge grin, mirroring his. They’d all gotten it together by the last click of the shutter, and had all smiled brightly for one great shot.

She suddenly remembers he is waiting for an answer and hurries to give him one. “Yeah sure. I’ve got another one anyway. It’s funny, right?” She turns away, not wanting to make a moment out of nothing. Or at least she thinks it’s nothing. She isn’t really sure. She doesn’t have a lot of experience to go off of, but she’s pretty sure the way Jay looks at her sometimes is just...more. 

Charlotte’s belly lets out a loud rumble, causing everyone to laugh and Hailey decides it’s time to go. They still need to have lunch, and Hailey really wants to hang the pictures.

“You can stay if you want. I got plenty of food.” He doesn’t really want them to leave. He likes hanging out with them...with Hailey. 

“Um, maybe another time. We’ve got a couple other things to do still, but thanks.” She tells Charlotte to go get her shoes and coat and then turns back to Jay.

“Hey, I know it’s last minute and you probably already have plans, but Charlotte and I are staying in with a movie marathon tonight. You’re welcome to join if you want.” She’s sure he already has plans and she isn’t even really sure why she asks him, but now she did, and she’s nervous. The nerves grow as he just sort of looks at her. She’s about to tell him to just forget he mentioned it and make a quick escape, but his words stop her.

“Actually, if you’re serious, I’d really like that. This whole no alcohol thing makes going to bars not fun at all. I was just gonna stay in and probably fall asleep way before midnight.” He stands and walks her to the door where Charlotte is pulling on her jacket. 

“Okay well I ordered some pizzas for tonight, so you can come over any time after 6:30pm. And don’t feel pressured to come.” She pulls her hat on and then moves to open the door.

“I want to be there. See you later Charlie.” 

_-_

Charlotte had passed out in the middle of the third Shrek movie and Hailey gently carries her into the bedroom to lay her down. Hailey is impressed she even made it this far. It’s 10:45pm, and that’s over two hours past her normal bedtime. She kisses her forehead and switches on the little fairy night light Hank got her for Christmas, and closes the door on her way out.

She finds Jay in front of the wall that is now proudly displaying her photos. Her shoulder bumps into his lightly as she stands next to him.

“Got a favorite?”

Hailey just smiles and taps the photo of Charlotte and Hank. It’s from behind and she doesn’t think Hank knows she took it, but so far, of all the photos she had taken, this one is easily her favorite. It was taken two days after she got the camera and Hank is holding Charlotte’s hand, smiling down at her, while she looks up at him. He had given them a ride home from the station and while they were walking to the car, she had snapped this picture. 

“I like that one too. I gotta say, it’s weird seeing Voight...soft? I guess.” Jay laughs a little, because if you are picking a word to describe Hank Voight, it would never be soft. Except he is with her, and with Hailey too. “I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy, just difficult to read and tends to be a little closed off.”

“It must be an Intelligence Unit thing. You guys all are a little hard to read.” She turns her head a little to look at him, and gives him a half smile. “You wanna finish the movie...or did you want to leave?” She wants him to stay, but again, she is so out of her league here...god, she doesn’t even really know how to flirt properly.

“I want to stay if that’s okay, but maybe we could find something else to watch? I’m a little Shrek’ed out.” His smile makes her smile and then they both head back over to the couch to find a movie to watch.

At ten to midnight, they switch back to the countdown. She’s sitting on his injured side, and they are close enough that she can feel the heat from his body. It makes her heart race and she hopes he doesn’t hear it. It sounds so loud in her head. 

The ten minutes seem to drag on forever before she finally sees the 60 second countdown start. She can see Jay’s chest rise and fall out of the corner of her eye, and she wonders if it seems a little heavier. Just as the count down hits 10 seconds, he says her name. She is so lost in her own head that it takes a few seconds to realize he spoke to her.

Her breath catches when she turns to face him. “5...” His free hand rises and his fingers cup the side of her face “4...” Her eyes drop to his lips quickly before snapping back up to his. “3...” She bites her bottom lip “2...” She lets out a shaky breath just as the countdown reaches one and she watches as he leans close to her and her eyes shut in anticipation.

Only...nothing happens. She can hear pots and pans banging outside and the sound out people cheering on the television, but Jay’s lips never brush hers. She opens her eyes just as his lips brush against her forehead.

“Happy New Year, Hailey.” His voice is barely a whisper, and he can’t believe he just did that. Why didn’t he kiss her? He obviously meant to, and then he hadn’t. He wants to tell her he’s sorry, but before he gets the chance she pushes off the couch and is focusing on cleaning up. His head drops onto the back of the couch and he closes his eyes in defeat. 

He waits for her to come back out from the kitchen but after ten minutes he figures she isn’t going to come back out and walks in finding her at the sink. She isn’t washing anything, she’s just standing there, back rigid and hands grasping the counter ledge tightly.

“Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys tonight. I uh...It was fun.” He scratches at the back of his neck completely aware of how lame he sounds.

“Yeah. Don’t forget your picture, Charlotte left it by your coat.” She stays where she is, more than ready for him to leave. She isn’t exactly sure what happened out there, but the almost fatherly way he kissed her forehead was so far from what she had been expecting. She is totally embarrassed. She thought he was going to kiss her and then...he didn’t. She just wants him to leave so she be embarrassed alone.

“Hailey I..”

“Have a good night Jay.” She dismisses him and is proud that her voice doesn’t waiver and give her away.

She lets out a relieved breath when she hears the door click shut and then she moves to lock up for the night. She barely took two steps when there’s a knock at the door, and she turns back to check who it is. 

“I forgot my picture.” Jay points to the picture sitting on the table next to the door and shifts uncomfortably. She hands the picture to him and moves to close the door but he stops it with his foot.

“I’m sorry Hailey.” When she stares blankly at him he hurries to continue. “I know I made that really awkward in there and I...”

“Jay really, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Seriously.” Her lips press flat, and she tries to close the door again, but again he stops her.

“Hailey, a part of me wants to see where whatever this is goes, but another part of me feels like I’d be rushing you and I don’t think you’re ready for it.” If he thinks the words are going to help the situation, the way her hands flex and her eyes narrow in anger at him has him second guessing it. Shit...

“I spent a long time having someone make all my decisions for me Jay. I don’t need you to do it too. You want to be friends...fine. Just please don’t assume that because of my past I need to be coddled or treated like I’m made of glass. I didn’t have a choice back then, but I do now.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen okay?” 

He just nods at her, and then he says goodnight and she finally closes the door. She leans back against it and a frustrated moan escapes. She’s going to be trapped at work with him for the foreseeable future...it won’t be awkward at all.


	9. Winter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and or leave a comment. I’m glad you all are liking this story.~Nan

Hailey’s first full day with the Intelligence Unit starts off a bit of a disaster. The power had gone out sometime last night and instead of waking up an hour before she was supposed to be ready to leave, she’s jolted awake by pounding on her door. She had rolled to the side to check the alarm clock and then let out a curse when she saw it blinking back at her.

She stumbled out of bed and threw open the door to find a slightly irritated Hank. She had started apologizing immediately, and asked if he could just give her ten minutes to get Charlotte up and dressed, but he had just pulled his phone out and sent a text to someone.

“Rojas is gonna take you guys. The Commissioner needs to meet with me about a case and I can’t be late. Just get yourself and Charlotte ready, she will be by in 20 minutes.” He’d left just as quickly as he came, and Hailey rushes to get ready.

When they got to the station, Hailey had told Vanessa she’d be right up, she just had to drop Charlotte off. Naturally, because she was already late, Charlotte had decided it was the perfect time to throw a bit of a fit. In their haste to leave this morning, Charlotte had left her elephant at the apartment and she was refusing to go in without it. It had taken nearly 15 minutes to talk her into going inside. 

When she finally walks up the steps into the bullpen, she’s half an hour late. Tears of frustration burn her eyes as she hangs her coat up. She’s so flustered she nearly knows over the coat stand.

“Relax Hailey. Voight isn’t even here.” Vanessa touches her shoulder gently trying to calm down. She knows how important first impressions are, but this isn’t Hailey’s first time here so it’s not a big deal. “Just breath and let’s get to work, okay?”

Thankfully, by lunch time things had settled down. Hailey still feels bad about nearly making Hank late and she apologizes as soon as he gets back to the station. He brushes off her apology and shuts himself inside his office.

“Don’t sweat it, the Commissioner has that effect on everyone. Best to just let him go. You want to grab some lunch with us?” Adam zips his coat and looks at her.

“Uh...no. It’s probably better that I stay here.” She enjoys the quiet as the team heads out and spends the next hour filing paperwork on some of the completed cases. 

Her phone signals an incoming text and she looks down to see a message from Jay. Her thumb hovers over the unlock button. It’s only been two days since that night, but she hasn’t spoken to him or seen him since. Starting Thursday, he will be on desk duty and she sort of dreads being stuck here alone with him. She can make the friends thing work...she can, she just thought that they’d be something more so it will just take some time to switch gears.

When her phone signals again she opens the text and a small grin breaks out on her face.

(Texts)  
Jay: Heard you overslept this morning...starting off strong.  
Jay: I know you’re not busy...don’t make it weird Hailey.   
Hailey: Shut up Jay. I’m working...and what’s there to make weird? Nothing happened...remember?  
Jay: Ouch...I deserve that, I guess

The bubbles signal he’s typing for a few seconds before they disappear and then he’s calling her. She takes a deep breath before answering.

“Hey.”

“We’re good right? Sorry...I was gonna just ask over a text, but I want to make sure.” He’s not entirely happy with how they left things the other night and he just wants to make sure he fixes things before they will be working together.

“Yeah, everything’s fine Jay. Seriously.” And she means it. They will definitely be fine. “And you should enjoy your down time while you can. You should see the mound of paperwork waiting on your desk.” She laughs at his groan, and then she groans when he tells her she’s gonna be the one helping him type that all up anyway.

“Okay, well I’m gonna get back to work. Try not to be too bored.” She smiles as she hangs up the phone and gets back to work.

_-_  
Thursday morning Hailey and Charlotte walk up the street to Jay’s. He still can’t drive so she had offered to drive his truck. When he had tried to drive against orders on New Years Eve, it had taken twice as long, and he decided it would be best if he didn’t try to do that again until he is at the very least, out of the the sling. She had stopped over last night to put Charlotte’s car seat in so she didn’t have to do it this morning.

“Morning. Ready to go?” He tosses her the keys to his truck and smiles at her as he climbs in. He laughs at Hailey once she gets in after buckling Charlotte up. She struggles to adjust the seat and then the mirrors and he thinks she might be nervous to drive his truck.

“Shut up.” She glares at him for daring to make fun of her. “I know how to drive okay...I’ve just never driven something this big.”

“It’s not nice to say shut up, mama. You should say sorry.” Hailey scoffs at being scolded by a 4 year old but turns to Jay who is feigning being hurt. She closes her eyes and then tells Charlotte she’s right and that shut up is definitely not a nice thing to say.

“Sorry to Jay too, mama.” Charlotte reminds her stubbornly from the back seat.

“Sorry Jay.” She sort of growls it out and then speaks under her breath to him. “We’ll see who’s apologizing when I ruin your precious truck because you were rushing me.” She glares harder when he only laughs at her, but he lets her finish adjusting everything and then she’s finally driving them to the station.

_-_

Hailey and Jay spend the majority of the day side by side at his desk, and she’d be lying if she said everything was completely normal between them. It’s not exactly awkward, but there is definitely some uncomfortable moments of heavy silence between them. She appreciates his effort to keep things light between them and she finds herself laughing at his lame jokes.

“Okay, okay...how about this one?” Jay likes making her laugh even if she looks at him like he is a fool. “What do you call a fake noodle?” He smirks at her when she groans at him.

“Oh my God...I have no idea. What do you call a fake noodle, Jay?” His jokes really are awful.

“An impasta!” He says it with a little flourish and then he laughs along with her.

“If you two are done goofing around...” They both sit up straight and stop laughing at Hank’s dry tone, both apologizing.

“Hailey, I need you to go with Burgess downtown. Take these files to this office and then they’ll give you something to bring back to me.” He sets the files on the edge of desk and waits for her to hurry out after Kim.

When they both leave, Hank turns to stare down at Jay, rubbing at the side of his neck. “I was wrong before, Halstead. I think you’re good for her.” He nods towards the stairs where Hailey had just disappeared, and then he leans close to Jay so only he hears him. “But I swear to God, if you hurt her Halstead...I’ll destroy you. Understand?” When he nods nervously, he stands and then returns to his office like he didn’t just threaten Jay.

_-_

“Hey can I ask you something?” Hailey looks at Kim and shifts nervously in her seat.

“Sure, what’s up?” 

“Well...it’s a little weird, but...you know what? Never mind.” She turns back so she can look out the window again. 

“Hey. You can talk to me Hailey. What’s going on?” Kim looks at her, a little concerned for her as she hears Hailey take a deep breath.

“Am I broken?” It’s rushed out and Hailey wishes she didn’t say it at all.

Kim just looks at her like she’s got three heads. “What are you talking about Hailey?”

Her frustrated sigh fills the small space, and she looks back to Kim now. “When you look at me, do you see broken or damaged?” She holds her breath, afraid of the answer.

“Are you serious? Hailey...something terrible happened to you, but broken is definitely not the word I would use to describe you.” Kim reaches out to touch Hailey’s arm, sensing the seriousness of the conversation. “Where is this coming from?” 

They’re stopped at a light and Kim watches as Hailey gathers her thoughts.

“I don’t know...I guess I just thought something was gonna happen with J...with someone and then it didn’t, and I think he just sees me as well...broken. Like I can’t handle more than his friendship.” She looks down as Kim starts to drive again. 

“Oh Hailey...you are so far from broken, and you’re miles away from that scared person who first came here. You’re a survivor Hailey, and one of the strongest woman, no...person, I’ve ever met.” She smiles over her and gives her hand a little squeeze, before she pulls into the parking garage. She looks at Hailey over the top of the car when they both climb out.

“Don’t be too hard on him, Hailey. Jay is a slow and steady kind of guy, you can’t rush him.” She winks when Hailey’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Is it that obvious?” Of course she knows it’s Jay.

“I’m not sure the guys know, but they’re guys...you’d have to be blind not to see the way you two look at each other. Just keep trying okay?”

“Thanks Kim.” It’s not magically fixed, but Hailey definitely feels better after talking about it.

_-_

Jay is finally cleared for full duty in the beginning of March. It’s two weeks later than expected, but he is really happy to be able to get back out there with his team. He practically skips up the steps carrying the papers fresh from the doctor. He had enjoyed working with Hailey while he was on restricted duty, but he hated watching his team walk out without him. It will be good to get back to normal.

“I can’t hold your hand through this. You can either do it or you can’t, but if you choose to stay, know that it’s gonna get worse.” Voight’s rough voice brings Jay’s happy mood crashing down, and he reaches the top of the stairs. Hank is standing in front of Hailey with his hands crossed in front of him, and Jay can tell by the way the Voight’s eyes are narrowed, that he is angry. When his gaze travels to Hailey, he can feel his own anger rising.

Whatever Hank is yelling at her about has her visible pale and shaken. Her eyes are red like she’s been crying. 

“What’s going on?” He’s looking between the two of them, and then Hank turns to look at him just as Hailey rushes past him and down the stairs.

“We got a triple homicide stemming from a domestic dispute. Mom and two kids.” Hank looks over at the board, and then looks back at Jay. 

“Was that really necessary?” Jay is pissed, this is not how he expected this day to go. 

“I just told her the truth. You got a problem with how I do things now, Halstead?” 

“No, but I’ve got a problem with how you just spoke to her.” Jay steps closer to him.

“Maybe you guys should take this to your office.” Kevin says it quietly, but his voice leaves little room for argument, and he’s thankful that they listen to him.

“I told her to go home when I found out about the case, but she said she could handle it.” Voight starts the second his door shuts. “Then Rojas hangs the photos and Hailey starts crying.” Hank sits down and rubs at his face. He hadn’t meant to yell at her, but he knew this was going to be a tough case, which is why he had told her to go home when he first got assigned the case this morning. 

“So yelling at her was the next logical step?” 

“Jay...the kids were young. 3 and 5. I didn’t want her here for that. I can’t be the Hank from home here...here...I’m Voight. I’ve got to set my emotions aside, but then when she started to cry I got mad at myself for not forcing her to leave.” He leans back feeling like crap, knowing he messed up. “You gonna go make sure she’s okay?”

“Yeah...but I’m not apologizing for you. You’ll have to do that on your own.” His anger has subsided a little, he knows Hank was only trying to protect Hailey, but he had done it like Hailey was a member of his team. Someone who was used to seeing the horrors of the world. And sure...Hailey has seen some awful things, but they had all been a part of her life though. This kind of thing was different. Cases with kids weighed heavily on all of them. 

_-_

Jay lets the gate close behind him and looks around the lobby of the station. He catches Platt’s eyes and silently thanks her when she points to the little room at the bottom of the stairs. He taps lightly on the door and pushes it open, peeking his head through.

Hailey looks up at the knocking and turns her head away again when she sees it’s just Jay.

“Leave me alone Jay.” She’s embarrassed at her scene upstairs, and doesn’t want to cause another one.

“Yeah...that’s not gonna happen. Hey. Look at me.” He moves so he is standing in front of her, and his hand lifts her chin. “You got two choices here. You can go home and be ready to go for when we close the case, or...you can come back upstairs and prove to Voight that you can handle it. Either way is fine. No one is gonna judge you. What do you want to do?”

“I can’t just go home when you guys get a tough case...taking weeks off while you try to close it.” She pushes his hand away and stands up, pacing away from him. “Honestly, I can handle it. It was just a shock...Him yelling at me is not very helpful. I mean...how does he think I’m going to respond to something like this?” She still isn’t over the shock, but now she’s also a little angry too. She can’t believe he yelled at her.

“So you’re coming back upstairs?” When she nods and squares her shoulders up like she is preparing for battle, he takes her hand in his. “Come on.”

No one says anything when she walks back into the bullpen. She carefully avoids looking at the board for the rest of the day. The team had all headed out not long after she had and Jay had come back upstairs. Voight hadn’t said anything to her, but on his way out, he had patted her shoulder. She hadn’t looked up though, still angry, but mostly embarrassed. They were all still out when she left for the night.

_-_

She doesn’t sleep very much that night. The sleep she did get, had been plagued with nightmares about the case, only in her dreams, it had morphed into Cade, and it had been her and Charlotte’s pictures on the board. She’d completely given up on sleep and had moved into the living room after the second nightmare. She doesn’t want to keep Charlotte up too.

The next day isn’t much different. Hailey hugs Charlotte a little longer, and tells her she loves her more than once as she drops her off at the child care center. She makes her way up the stairs, stopping outside to pull herself together. 

The same disgusting photos are still taped up on the board, and the team doesn’t seem to be any closer to finding the person responsible for this. When she sits down at her desk and she turns on her computer, she can feel someone’s eyes on her. She looks up and sees Hank watching her from the door of his office. He’s leaning against the frame, and his eyes look a little worried. She holds his gaze, trying to convince him she’s fine. He nods slightly at her then turns and goes back to his desk. She’ll talk to him when the case is over. 

_-_

The case drags on for a week, which really isn’t that long, but it’s a difficult case, and everyone is relieved when they manage to close it. The team had left around 3:30pm today. Hank had let them leave early and told them not to come in until 10:30am tomorrow, so it’s just Hailey. 

Charlotte’s class had an animal exhibit come today and they weren’t done until 5, so she starts the break down of the board while she waits.

“You don’t have to do that Hailey.” Hank’s voice startles her and she spins around to face him. “Sorry, thought you heard me come up the stairs. What are you still doing here?”

“Charlotte didn’t want to leave early today. They brought in some type of traveling zoo and they finish up at 5. I just thought since I’m here...” She gestures with the paper in her hands towards the board weakly. “I can go downstairs though, if you don’t want me up here.”

“Of course you can stay up here.” He begins to pull the remaining pictures from the board and Hailey thanks him when he hands them to her, placing the awful photos on the bottom. She starts to pack up the photos into a box as Hank wipes the board down.

“This was a tough one. I’m proud of you Hailey. You handled yourself well. Better than most in your position.” He tries for a smile but it comes out more of a grimace. “I should have been less worried about you, and I definitely shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“I know you were only trying to look out for me. You’ve just...never raised your voice like that at me. It threw me for a second.” She tips her head a little to look at him.

“I’m sorry, really Hailey.” He lets out a breath and watches as she smiles back at him.

“It’s fine. I’ll be better prepared next time.” She pulls him into a hug, partly because she had missed him this week, and partly because he looks like he could use a it. “I promise I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” She smiles as he kisses the top of her head and when he offers her a ride home, she happily accepts.

_-_

It snows on Charlotte’s birthday, like a major snow storm in the last week of March that brings over three feet of snow. Hailey wakes her up with a vanilla cupcake that has pink and yellow swirled frosting and a single candle. It’s what she has done on her birthday every year. This will be Charlotte’s first official birthday party today. She had thought about doing something over the top, but decided she liked having just the two of them celebrate together. She’s invited Hank and his team, but that’s it.

Kim and Vanessa had helped decorate Hank’s living room in the Frozen theme they had decided on. It’s full of snowflakes and Elsa’a, and little Olaf’s all over the place. Charlotte is going to love it and Hailey can’t wait for her to see it, but it looks like it’s going to have to wait until next weekend. They knew the snow was coming, but Hailey hadn’t really thought they would actually get all of what they were calling for. She knows immediately after looking out the window that the party they had planned wouldn’t happen today. 

“There’s so much snow mama! Can we at least play outside?” Charlotte hadn’t been too upset about her little party being canceled, she’d perked back up when Hailey said they would just celebrate it next Saturday. 

“Hmmm...I think we can make that happen, sweets.” Hailey had bought them matching snow suits in November, and they play outside in the snow when it isn’t too cold out. Today is a good day to do that. It’s hovering right at freezing, and it’s perfect.

“Maybe Hank can come too?” She gives her best smile and giggles when Hailey tickles her, telling her she would ask.

They head outside after lunch and Charlotte is so excited to play she can hardly keep herself from prancing around on the walk down the stairs. Hailey sets her camera bag down on Hank’s porch before joining them in the front yard. The snow is so high that Charlotte struggles to walk through it. Hank walks all through the yard making a little maze for her and Hailey snaps pictures of the two of them chasing each other around.

They’ve been playing outside for about 20 minutes when out of nowhere, a snowball flies into the yard, striking Hailey in the arm. She looks around, wondering who threw it, when another one flies and smacks Hank right in the back. Charlotte laughs and drops down into the pathways they had made earlier, she doesn’t know where they are coming from, but she doesn’t want to get hit too.

“Incoming!” Hailey looks up from Charlotte just as another snowball flies toward her, and then she sees him. Jay is in the neighbors yard on the other side of their car. She sticks her tongue out at him when it misses then shouts to Hank that it’s Jay and they prepare for battle.

“Come on, you gotta even it out...” Jay jokes from the other side, and laughs when Charlotte happily volunteers to be on his team. He runs out from his hiding spot, scooping Charlotte up, and then runs back before they begin.

They shout and laugh as the snowballs fly, and when they call a time to make more snowballs, Hailey sneaks to the porch by crawling through the little maze. She grabs her camera again and then moves as quickly and silently as she can until she reaches the small fence that lines the neighbors yard. She climbs over and scoops some snow, quickly making a snowball. It’s three steps and then she shouts his name, she lets the snowball fly and then raises the camera, clicking the shutter button right as the ball hits him in the side of the face.

Jay is completely stunned. He had been so preoccupied helping Charlotte make the perfect snowballs, that he hadn’t even seen Hailey sneak away. She totally blindsided him, and he wasn’t sure if she was aiming for his face or not, but it stings just the same.

She lets out a little laugh and then raises her hands as she backs away from him. “I didn’t mean to do that...Jay stop. Don’t you dare” She’s laughing even though she really does feel bad for hitting him in the face. 

“Here, here!” Charlotte rushes as best she can to Jay’s side with one of her snowballs.

Hailey’s laugh gets bigger as she keeps backing away. She just needs to get to the porch and then she can set her camera down and really fight back. She thinks she may actually be having more fun than Charlotte. She had been a little sad at having to cancel her party, but this is a pretty great way to spend Charlotte’s birthday too.

At the tug on her camera strap, Hailey thanks Hank when he backs away holding the camera, ready to take over as the photographer.

“NOW!” Jay and Charlotte charge her and she turns and runs. Only...the paths are still a little further away, and she has to hurdle the snow. She’s sure she looks ridiculous, but the sound of her daughters laughter is totally worth it. 

Snowballs are pelting her in the back the entire time she’s running away from them. She has no time to stop and form any to retaliate and she’s basically just trying to dodge their efforts. She knows she’s going to lose, so she decides to surrender. She stops and holds both hands up and turns slowly.

“Okay, okay! I give up!” She smiles as she surrenders, and then Hank is herding Charlotte up onto the porch with promises of hot chocolate and soup. Hailey moves to follow, but doesn’t quite clear the snow with her foot and she pitches forward, face planting into the snow.

She spits snow out as Jay laughs at her while he lifts her up. He’s still laughing at her misfortune as he brushes snow off her arms, but once Jay finishes wiping the snow off her face, she can only focus on him and the intensity of his gaze.

Jay knows he’s staring. He can’t help it. Her hair is wet with snow, and her cheeks and nose are a cartoonish rosy red. It’s her eyes though. They are the bluest he’s every seen them and they are so bright with happiness and laughter he can’t help but smile back at her. 

He’s suddenly back on the couch with her on New Years Eve. He had chickened out. She had done everything right to let him know she was ready for the next step, and he had just...kissed her forehead. In his defense he was still heavily depending on the pain pills and his only rationale is that he had wanted to wait until he was clear headed. The thought of misreading her...pushing her too soon...But the way she’s looking at him now, just like the way she was that night? He won’t make the same mistake twice.

Before she can process what’s happening, Jay’s hands are on her face, and he’s leaning into her space. She feels his breath on her lips a second before he kisses her. All she can think is ‘finally’. 

His lips are soft and a little cold against hers, but it is the kind of kiss you imagine as you first kiss. Cade had been her first everything, and it was never like this. She isn’t sure if it’s just the cold, or that he is that good a kisser, but her lips are tingling and she wants more. She pulls him closer and and her hands slide up his neck to play with his hair sticking out from him cap.  
She doesn’t know how long it lasts, but when he pulls back slightly, she’s out of breath. 

“Hailey...”

“Don’t ruin it Jay.” And then she kisses him again. It’s shorter, but just as intense and it takes everything in her to step back. As much as she wants to stay out here, just the two of them, she should head inside and be with her daughter.

“Want to come in for hot chocolate? Hank makes the best.” Her smile is a little unsure as she looks at him and she wishes she were better at things like this.

“I do love a good hot chocolate.” He leans in to kiss her again just at the front door opens. 

They both turn to look at Hank, a little embarrassed at almost being caught...which is ridiculous because they aren’t kids doing something wrong. 

Hailey’s smile drops knowing something is wrong, and she steps forward asking about Charlotte.

“I just got a phone call from the LAPD. Hailey...there was a riot at the California State Prison yesterday...”

Hailey’s ears start to ring and she can’t hear the rest of what Hank is saying. She has to lock her legs to keep herself from falling over. This is it...what she’s been so afraid of from the moment she left Cade. She had worried he would come for her, and now he will. Of course he would find a way to escape prison. She needs to leave...

“Hailey? Did you hear me?” Hank is standing in front of her now, the blank look on her face has him a little worried, and he says her name again and she finally seems to focus on him again.

“Hailey, Cade is dead.”


	10. Spring

She thinks she may be having an outer body experience right now. She can see almost from above how Jay and Hank are staring at her from the other side of the counter. Cade is dead? It doesn’t make sense...doesn’t seem real. They are both talking to her, asking her questions and trying to get some kind of response out of her, but her mouth can’t seem to form any words. 

She can see herself, sitting on the stool that she has sat at so many times over the last couple of months. There aren’t any tears which is odd. At the very least she thinks there should be tears of relief, but there’s nothing. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be punished for what he did to her, but he hadn’t even made it to the trial. She feels robbed.

“I hope...do you know if it was quick?” The words come out before she can stop them. She doesn’t look at either one of them, just stares down at her hands. They probably think she’s asking because she’s sad he’s dead...like some sick distant form of Stockholm’s or something, but that’s not it.

“Hailey...” Hank’s voice is gentle and he reaches across the counter for her hand, but she pulls it away.

“I know it’s an awful thing to say, or even think, but a part of me wants him to...I hope he suffered.” She sobs out the last part, hating herself for voicing her darkest thoughts. She’s afraid of what she will see on their faces so she just doesn’t look. She lays her head on her arms and tries to stop the tears.

Jay’s heart feels like it’s breaking seeing her like this. The robotic way she had come into the house had terrified him. She wouldn’t look at him no matter what he said, and when he tried to touch her, to hold her offer comfort, she had pushed him away. She’d told him no and to stay away.

She’s basically in shock, and he can only stare at her as she cries. He doesn’t blame her for what she said. His first thought when Hank told them Cade was dead, was that he deserved it, so he definitely isn’t going to judge her for that comment. He wants more than anything to pull her into his arms and tell her everything is going to be okay now, but she made it clear she doesn’t want that. He just stays, standing a little over three feet from her, feeling like he is miles away.

“You want to know how he died? It won’t change the fact that he’s gone Hailey. Does it really matter?” Hank speaks to her in a calm but blunt tone and she lifts her head to answer just as Jay speaks.

“It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need to know how he died. It won’t help anything.” Jay’s focus is on Voight, so he doesn’t see the look that crosses Hailey’s face.

“Stop telling me what I need!” Her hands slam down on the counter to get their attention, and the sting in her palms is welcome. She breathes heavily through her nose as she sees their stunned expressions.

“I want to know...No...I need to know how he died. What I don’t need, is you thinking you know what’s best for me. That’s how things started with Cade, and I will never let that happen again, so stop!” She glares at him, ignoring the hurt that flashes in his eyes.

If she had slapped him, he thinks he may have been less shocked than he is right now. He wasn’t trying to tell her what to do...that’s not what he meant. He just didn’t think telling her how he died would be very helpful right now. Maybe later when she’d calmed down some, but not now. 

“Let’s just take a breath. If you’re sure you want to know, I’ll tell you. Okay?” Hank tries to keep Hailey calm. He doesn’t want Charlotte to hear and get upset. He feels for Jay though. He hadn’t expected her to snap like that, and clearly Jay hadn’t as well.

Jay doesn’t know if he should stay or go. He thinks him being here might just be making things worse and then she just completely turns her back to him and gives him his answer. He wants to tell her to call him, that when she’s ready, he will be there for her. But he says nothing...just turns and walks out of the kitchen, his socked feet silencing his departure.

Hank watches as Jay looks away, his lips pressed into a thin line as he nods sadly before he leaves. He says nothing as he goes, choosing instead to focus on Hailey. 

“The riot started in one block before moving to another where Cade was being held. The inmates rushed a hallway that got shut down and when they tried to backtrack and go another way, they created a stampede. Cade and 10 other inmates died from massive crush injuries.” He pauses, waiting for it to sink in.

“He was trampled to death?” The words are barely out of her mouth before she’s running from the room and into the little bathroom under the stairs. She heaves for what feels like hours, long after her stomach had emptied. When she finally stops, she rinses her mouth with water and then some of the mouthwash she found behind the mirror. She splashes water on her face and then looks at herself in the mirror. 

She hates what she sees. The Hailey from June, when she first got here is staring back at her and she wants to scream. She slams the mirror open, not wanting to see that girl anymore and it hits the wall and breaks. She lets out a sob of frustration and tires to pick up the pieces, but she ends up cutting her palm and she gives up. She leans back against the wall and sinks to the floor, her hand cradled against her chest and she cries.

It’s how Hank finds her minutes later. He had wanted to give her space, afraid of making things worse. He stood in the hall and listened as she was sick. He heard a crash from inside the bathroom and then an odd sort of thud. He stepped closer and could hear her crying inside. He eases the door open and has a moment of panic when he sees the blood on the sink. He notices the bits of mirror scattered about and he scans her quickly looking for the source of the blood.

He squats down on the floor next to her and says her name gently. “Where did you cut yourself?” He lets out a relieved breath when she lifts her hand towards him and he sees the cut isn’t too bad. He stands and pulls Hailey after him and back into the kitchen.

“Mama?” 

Hank can hear the fear in her voice and he hurries to tell her Hailey is fine. “It’s just a cut, Charlie. She’s okay. Want to help patch her up?” At her quiet nod, he tells her to grab the first aid kit under the kitchen sink while he rinses Hailey’s hand off.

“I’m sorry.” It’s shaky and weak, but all Hailey can think to say right now. She hurt Jay and he left and she just wants him here. He always finds a way to make her feel better, even if it’s just for a second. 

The tears are still falling and when Charlotte ask’s why she’s crying, she tells her it’s just because her hand hurts pretty bad. She knows Charlotte doesn’t buy it, not completely anyway. They may not talk about it, but Charlotte remembers the bruises and the blood she tried to hide form her. There were never any tears, so of course it seems silly for her to be crying over a little cut.

Hank brushes her apology off, telling her she doesn’t to be sorry for anything. “Whatever you’re feeling is okay. Just remember you aren’t alone, yeah?” He ties off the gauze wrap and then declares her ‘all better’ before tidying up the kit.

“I’m gonna go home, but I want to talk still. Maybe tomorrow?” She stands and then thanks him, accepting his hug. It makes her breath hitch again and afraid she’s going to cry full out, she rushes out.

_-_

Charlotte stays glued to Hailey’s side the rest of the day. She seems to sense Hailey’s turmoil and is a little quiet and withdrawn through dinner and bath time. Hailey tucks her against her and reads her a story before bed. She’s so quiet that Hailey thinks maybe she fell asleep, but then her tiny voice fills the room.

“You sad mama?” She turns her little body and reaches out a hand to play with Hailey’s hair.

“Yeah sweets...maybe a little.” Hailey’s injured hand moves to Charlotte’s cheek, feeling the smoothness and her warmth. “But I’m okay.” Her heart swells when Charlotte turns her face a little and kisses the palm of her hand.

“You feel better now?” Her sweet blue eyes look hopefully at her.

Hailey laughs at that and points to her cheek asking for one more just in case, and then she tickles her. The sound of her laughter settles her, and she realizes that Cade was never going to be a part of her future. He was her past...this right here, her daughter, and Hank and his team...Chicago...they were her future. She just needs to focus on that.

_-_

Somethings wrong. She can’t quite place it, but she knows something is just off. It’s so quiet and she can hear the sound of her own harsh breaths as her eyes scan the room looking for something...anything that will help her understand what’s going on. 

The sound of a floor board creaking has her breath stalling and she stands perfectly still. Her eyes frantically scan the dark room and land on the bed. Her heart kicks in her chest as she sees Charlotte isn’t there. 

“Mama!” Charlotte’s frightened voice travels into the bedroom and Hailey’s feet are sprinting towards the sound before she can even think to.

“No...” This can’t be happening, he can’t be here. He’s dead...they said he was dead.

Cade stands in the middle of the living room holding Charlotte tight against him. He squeezes her tighter and Charlotte’s cry of pain breaks something in Hailey. She was never supposed to get hurt. She’s failed her.

“Hailey, Hailey, Hailey...did you think it would be this easy?” An evil smile takes over his face and he raises the gun he had in the back of his pants, and points it at her. “You’ll never escape me.” His smile grows and then he pulls the trigger.

Hailey bolts upright in bed, clutching at her chest. The gunshot still echoing in her ears. She frantically grabs for the light and she barely manages to stifle the sob that’s released when she sees Charlotte sleeping soundly beside her. She carefully climbs out of bed and grabs her phone, making her way into the living room. 

The phone rings four times before he picks up. Hank’s gruff, sleep riddled voice comes through the line.

“Hailey? What’s going on?” He sits up, flicking on the light. He switches her to speaker and grabs a shirt and pants before moving downstairs. She hasn’t said a word, but he can hear the way she struggles to breath through her sobs. “I’m coming, I’m coming Hailey, just hang on.” He stays on the line and less than a minute later he’s knocking on her door.

His eyes take her in as he enters, not sure what to expect, but he’s glad to see she’s seemingly unharmed. He takes her phone and ends the call right before he pulls her against him. Her body is shaking and she is fighting against him. He moves to let her go but then she’s grabbing at him like she’s afraid he will leave.

“I’ve got you Hailey.” He doesn’t rush her, he just waits for her to calm down enough to talk to him. When she does speak, it’s the very last thing he expected to hear from her.

“I need to see his body.” She pulls back and wipes at her face before looking at him. “I need to see that it’s really him, or I’ll always wonder if he’s out there...if he got out somehow and he’s just waiting to come for me.” There’s another knock on her door and she’s unable to stop the whimper that escapes. 

“It’s just Jay. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and you weren’t talking to me. I texted him to come down. Do you want me to tell him to go home?” 

She shakes her head at him and then pushes off the couch to open the door. His name comes out a whisper and then she moves into him. Her forehead presses into his chest and she grips the back of his jacket tightly. She isn’t sure if this is okay or not, but when his arms wrap around her, she stops caring. She tells him she’s sorry over and over again as he moves them out of the open door.

She stays at Jay’s side on her little couch as Hank tells him what she wants to do. If he’s shocked, he hides it well.

“Whatever you want to do...I’ll be right beside you. Okay?” He says it to Hailey, but he’s looking at Hank, almost like he’s expecting him to argue about getting time off right now.

“Okay. I guess...we’re going back then. I’ll make some calls first thing in the morning, and we’ll go from there.” Hank offers to stay or let them stay with him for the night, but Hailey politely refuses. She thanks him and hugs him so tight he lets out a little squeak of surprise. No ones ever been there for her like he has, and she doesn’t think there will be a time that she doesn’t need him.

“Well, I guess I’ll head out now too. Call me if you need anything.” Jay lifts his arm like he’s going to touch her, but he balls it into a fist and stops himself. 

“I don’t want you to leave.” She looks away, slightly embarrassed at her admission, but she quickly tells him about the nightmare. How scared she had been, and how she could feel Charlotte’s fear. She doesn’t want to be alone.

They’re friends who happened to have kissed today. But they are still just friends right now, and she wonders briefly if he thinks she is weak. “Will you stay with me? Please?” Her words echo those from that night in the hotel room after Thanksgiving. Things are different now though and he doesn’t even hesitate. 

“I’ll be right here on the couch. I’ll be here when you wake up, so don’t forget I’m out here.” He smiles, always attempting to lighten the mood. 

She doesn’t smile back, but she reaches her hand out to him now that they both are standing. When he takes her hand in his, she pulls him into the bedroom.

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman, I promise.” He winks playfully at her. 

She does laugh a little now, and then she disappears into the closet, grabbing an extra blanket and pillow. She carefully moves Charlotte over on the be before she climbs in next to her. Once she’s situated, she instructs Jay to lie down on the comforter, and then use the extra blanket to cover himself up. She counts his breaths and when she falls asleep this time, the nightmares don’t come.

_-_

They take Charlotte this time. Hailey had refused to leave her behind again and thankfully neither Hank nor Jay fought her on this. Charlotte had been excited to fly, and her happy chatter helped keep everyone’s mind off why they were going back. 

Everything about this trip drastically different from the last, and when they touch down in LA, Hailey is relieved that they make it through the rental car process and checking into the hotel without any issues. They are only here for two days, Thursday and Friday, and then they fly out first thing Saturday morning. 

“Do you want to together or just you and Jay?” Hank looks over at Hailey. They are enjoying the sun on the balcony of the room. They’ve got three hours before they need to go to the morgue.

“Can we all go? I’ll go in myself, but I think I need you both there.” She runs her fingers through Charlotte’s hair as she naps on Hank’s lap. She’d fallen asleep almost as soon as they had sat down outside, the excitement from her first flight catching up to her.

“Whatever you want. We can grab something for dinner after.” Jay takes her hand and smiles at her. He will do everything in his power to make this as easy as he can for her. 

She squeezes back and thanks him. They stay like that for a little while longer, letting the easiness of this moment calm them all.

_-_

Her sneakers have a slight squeak as she follows the doctor down the hall toward the viewing room. All she can think is that she should have brought one of them in with her. She had wanted to do it alone, but the closer she gets the less she wants to do this at all. 

The doctor told her the face was unrecognizable and asked if she could identify him by any other distinguishing marks on the body.

“He has a scar on the bottom of his left foot. It looks like a crescent moon.” Her voice is flat like she isn’t talking about her ex-husbands dead body. 

“That’s good. When we get in the room, I’ll have us down by his feet and then I’ll pull the sheet back enough to expose the foot. Okay?” She looks at her with kind eyes and Hailey can only nod. She thinks she might cry...or vomit, she isn’t sure, but she doesn’t trust her voice.

The doctor holds the door open and motions for Hailey to go in and stand by the table. She can’t look at the top of the table. She swallows thickly and tells the doctor she’s ready. The grey foot comes into view and she digs her nails into her palms to keep herself from passing out.

The whole thing takes less than a minute. She looks at the bottom of the foot and when she see’s the scar she’s pretty sure she says it’s him, but her voice sounds weird to her own ears and she isn’t actually sure she said anything at all.

She doesn’t remember the walk back up, but she is suddenly engulfed in a massive hug from Charlotte and then Hank joins in too. Jay stands just close enough to to rub her back gently but he doesn’t join in the hug. It’s too weird...hugging his boss. 

When she steps back, he reaches for her hand and he sees her wince slightly. He turns her hand over, thinking he may have broke open the cut on her palm. What he sees has him grabbing her other hand and turning it. Both palms have four little cuts that look suspiciously like her fingernails. He lifts her hands to his mouth and presses his lips against them and smiles when she shivers. He keeps her hand in his as they walk away.

They don’t ask her about it, and she is grateful for that. She know’s they are basically just humoring her on this whole trip. They didn’t need to see the body. They read the reports that they had faxed over, and they knew it was Cade, but they never told her this was a wasted trip or that she was being paranoid. Hank had gotten things covered at the station, and Jay had booked flights for the four of them. They never questioned her and is so thankful for them.

_-_

Surprisingly, Hailey sleeps that night without a single nightmare. She had thought for sure that after seeing his body that they would come, but they didn’t. She had woken up that morning with Charlotte’s face pressed right up against hers. Her blue eyes were shining brightly and Hailey wonders how long she had been up and staring at her. 

“Morning sweets. How’d you sleep?” She rolls over and sits up in shock when she sees the clock reading 9:30. She hasn’t slept this long in...well, forever. 

“Guess what?” Charlotte squishes Hailey’s face in both her hands to keep her attention. “We’re going to the ocean.” Hailey laughs at her whispered statement, and then sits upstairs little higher to look at her better.

“Hmm, I’ve never been to the ocean.” Even though she grew up here, her family had never gone. Aside from that one trip to her grandparents, Hailey had never really gone outside a 5 mile radius of her home, and Cade hated sand so she was never allowed to go.

“We’re going today, mama! Jay said to come wake you up so we can spend the day there. Are you up now?” Once again her face is squished and Charlotte gets so close that their noses touch.

“Alright, alright! I’m up!” Hailey tickles her belly as she falls back laughing.

“Well it’s about time.” Jay comes through the connecting door and smiles at her. The way he looks at her makes her stomach flutter in the best way, and she isn’t sure what exactly they are yet, but she definitely likes it.

_-_

Hailey is sitting on the blanket they brought and watches Jay and Hank outrun the waves with Charlotte through the lens of her camera. She’s seen pictures and obviously has seen the ocean in movies and things, but she never really understand how vast it actually was. 

There are maybe three other people that she can see out on the beach today. It’s the last day of March and it’s only 63 degrees right now. Jay had Googled how cold the water was and found out it was below 55 degrees this time of year. They still splash in the water, and she snaps away as Charlotte giggles when the littles waves dance around her feet.

She’s caught up in watching Jay with Charlotte as they inspect a shell they had found, that she doesn’t even see Hank walking up to her until he sits on the blanket next to her.

“It’s crazy to me that you lived here and never once went to the ocean. You having fun?” He’s asking in general, but he motions to the camera as well. He had insisted that she bring it ‘just in case,’ but he knew for a fact that she would use it. 

“You planned this...ahead of time didn’t you? It’s why you made me bring my camera.” She studies him, and smiles when he nods. “Thank you. This is...I love this.”

Hank looks back to the water and watches Charlotte as she sprints away and then chases the waves. he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her happier. “I’d do anything to keep that smile on her face Hailey.” When he looks back to her, her eyes are a little watery and she nods. “The last time we were here, you said there was nothing here for you...that it was all tainted and I wanted to change that. I can’t erase what he did to you, but I knew I could give you something...a moment here, that wasn’t touched by your past. I want you to be able to look back on these pictures and remember that your life...yours Hailey, without the weight and worry of Cade holding you down, it started today. Right here on this beach, and you may have had some help, but you took that first step and made it happen. And that’s something worth taking back with you.” His voice had dropped to barely a scratchy whisper filled with so much emotion that Hailey can see the tears brimming in his eyes. 

“I love you.” She says it with such conviction and strength and her heart feels so full. “I’ve only ever said those words to my grandmother and Charlotte, but I’ve never meant them more. You are one of the best things to ever come into my life, and I...I love you.” She thinks he’s going to cry but he only pulls her into an extremely tight hug.

“I love you too, kid.” He pulls away and discreetly wipes at his eyes before taking her camera and telling her to go play with them.

Charlotte is kicking at the waves as Hailey sneaks up behind her, scooping her up and pretending to toss her into the water. Jay joins in, lifting them both up in his arms and threatens to drop them and Hailey pleads while Charlotte shrieks in delight, before he sets them down and chases them both.

“I found a whole one! Look look!” Charlotte is holding a perfect shell and Jay and Hailey tell her how pretty the shell is and laugh as she rushes from the shore to tell Hank about it.  
Jay uses Charlotte’s distraction to creep up on Hailey and he hauls her up around the waist, spinning her around. He thinks that the carefree laugh she lets out, might be his new favorite sound. He doesn’t put her down, just turns her and holds her so she is pressed against his chest. She slides down slowly and the second her feet touch the ground, his lips are on hers. 

She can taste the salt water on his lips and lets out a little moan of satisfaction when he arches her back a little to deepen the kiss. They stay like that, lips locked and tongues dueling, until they hear Charlotte returning.

“Kisses for me! Kisses for me!” She reaches up and wraps her arms around Jay’s neck as he lifts her up.

“Kisses for you huh?” He grins at Hailey, knowing they are both thinking the same thing, and on the count of three, they both blow the biggest raspberries against her cheeks.

“Hey you three! Look here!” They all turn and smile at Hank as he takes a picture of them.

They stay until the sun starts to set, and when they drive back, Hailey sits in the front next to Jay. He reaches for her hand and holds it in his as he maneuvers back into the city. 

“Thank you for being there for me Jay, and for today.” She smiles over at him and he brings their joined hands up and presses a kiss to her knuckles. He smiles back, and Hailey knows Hank was right. Her life starts today. There is nothing holding her back, and she can’t wait to see what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! I do have an epilogue planned though!~Nan


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end! Thanks you so much for reading my story and joining Hailey and her daughter on this journey...until next time~Nan

“How come I never got a firework on my cakes, mama?” Charlotte is 11 years old now, and is holding the photo album that she loves to flip through. She likes to look at the pictures and hear the story behind them. 

“It’s a sparkler sweets. That was my 26th birthday, and your dad took me to my favorite restaurant. She smiles as she thinks back on that night.

_-_

“Happy Birthday, Hailey.” Jay looks across the little table at her and watches as the tiny sparkler on the cupcake lights her eyes. “Hurry and make a wish!” He laughs at her childlike antics, eyes closing tight, and her hands clasped together. 

She opens her eyes just as the sparkler dies out, and she hurries to dip her finger in and taste the frosting. Jay grabs her wrist and pulls her hand to his mouth to lick the frosting off before she can.

“Mmmm...okay it’s safe.” He grins at her and then laughs loudly when she tells him he better have enjoyed that, she won’t share.

“What did you wish for?” He reaches across the table with a spoon to steal a bite of the cupcake and thankfully she lets him. 

“Like I’d tell you.” She pulls the spoon from her mouth and thinks this is one of her favorite birthdays.

When they get back from the restaurant, they stop at Hank’s to pick up Charlotte. Nine months after that day at the beach, Jay had asked her to move in with him. It was a week before Christmas, and she had jumped at him telling him yes between kisses. They had moved in New Year’s Day. Charlotte had gotten to pick out a bedroom suite and when she saw it all put together she had hugged Jay and told him she loved him. Jay had cried, even though he never would admit it, and Hailey wouldn’t tease him about that anyway. She loves him and she loves her life.

_-_

“Oh my gosh, look at my hair!” Charlotte touches the picture and tries to remember that day. Vanessa had braided her hair in a crown around her head and then placed little pearls all through it. She knows it’s when her parents got married, but she doesn’t really remember when this picture was taken. 

“I miss Vanessa...”

Hailey breathes deep through the pain and when it passes, she touches Charlotte’s hand. 

“She’ll be home soon. I miss her too.” Vanessa had taken an undercover assignment almost six months ago. She could come home tomorrow, or in another six months...no one really knows. “She took that picture of you, sweets.”

Hailey remembers that day like it was yesterday. She had married Jay in a little ceremony at a beautiful lakeside park, right at the beginning of summer. He had proposed at the station after they had been living together for five months. 

She remembers being a little nervous, but for the most part, she was so excited and happy to be here and to be marrying her best friend. She smoothed out the skirt of her dress, brushing at the nonexistent wrinkles. She just wants this to hurry up so she can say officially that she is Jay’s wife. There’s a knock at the door and she turns to ask who it is.

“It’s Vanessa...and Charlie.” Hailey opens the door a little worried because Charlotte is the flower girl and should be getting ready to walk down the isle any minute. Her worry increases when she hears Charlotte crying.

“Charlotte what’s wrong?” She takes her from Vanessa’s arms and ignores her warnings of ruining her dress. 

“My belly hurts.” She lays her head on her mothers shoulder and cries harder.

Hailey looks back to Vanessa and gives her a look like she’s asking ‘what the hell happened.’

“She was totally fine until about five minutes ago. I have no clue what happened.”

Hailey sets Charlotte down and carefully arranges her dress before kneeling down in front of her. She brushes away at the tears and then cups her face in her hands.

“Sweets, is it just your belly, or is something else wrong?” Even if it is just her stomach hurting, this kind of crying is not very typical of Charlotte. She can see the way her lips tremble and just when she thinks she is going to say something, she only starts to cry again.

“I don’t want you to get married.” Charlotte sobs it out and Hailey’s heart breaks a little at the words.

“What? Charlotte...sweets, you never said anything before. Why are you saying this now?” There are a lot of things running through Hailey’s mind and none of them are very good. What could possibly have happened to make her say this?

Charlotte sniffs loudly and Hailey grabs the tissue Vanessa is passing them, dabbing at her eyes and nose.

“Whatever it is...you can tell me. I won’t be mad Charlotte.” Her hands are at her shoulders, holding her gently.

“I don’t know how to say it. I...I just remembered something from a long time ago and then my belly started to hurt.” Her breathing hitches as she tries to calm down, she’s only seven and she really doesn’t know how to put into words what happened out there. 

“Like a memory?” Hailey is starting to think this doesn’t really have anything to do with Jay at all. “Was is about when we lived in California?” At her sad little nod, Hailey pulls her in for a tight hug.

“I don’t...I don’t want another daddy.” Her cries are crushing Hailey and the only thing she can think to do, is to get Jay. She sends Vanessa after him and just rocks Charlotte. How had she not seen this coming?

“What’s wrong?” Jay skids into the room and stops when he sees them on the floor huddled together. Vanessa whispers to him what she heard, saving Hailey from having to tell him. He can’t quite mask the look of hurt that crosses his face, but he’s mostly just worried.

“She’s just scared.” Hailey tries to stay calm so Charlotte doesn’t get worse. “Charlotte? Look at me sweets. What did you remember?” She motions Jay closer, just wanting him near them.

“I don’t know. It was...there was a lot a yelling, and you were crying...he was hurting you.” 

Hailey and Jay’s eyes connect and she can see the look of barely contained rage in Jay’s. She’s thinking the same thing honestly. How dare Cade try to ruin this day. She won’t let that happen.

“Remember last summer when you were learning how to ride your bike? You fell and scraped your arm up. Who got you into the house and took care of you? And who helped build the tree house with Papa Hank? Who loves to cuddle you and read to you in all the best voices?” She tries to help Charlotte see that Jay is not Cade. That he will never hurt her.

“Jay does.” Charlotte looks at Jay and expects to see anger for thinking he would be like her father, but he’s just looking at her like he always does. His eyes full of love and understanding.

“Sweets...Jay loves us. And I know you are scared right now because of what you remember, but I also know you love him. He will not do the things your father did.” She reaches for Jay’s hand and holds it tight. “If you tell me you still don’t want me to get married then...then I’ll listen. Not because I think Jay is a bad guy, but because I want you to know that the things you say to me matter. It’s not just my life changing today. Yours is too.” She leans over and kisses her head and waits for her to decide. She watches as she looks at Jay, studying him.

“I want you to marry him, mama. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.” She says the last part to Jay and then she reaches over for his other hand. Hailey pulls them both towards her and they come together like a puzzle, fitting perfectly together. Just as they started to pull away from the hug, Vanessa had lifted Hailey’s camera and snapped a picture of them, capturing this moment for them to remember. 

_-_

The pain is so intense this time that Hailey nearly cries out. She wants Jay. She isn’t supposed to be doing this by herself. Charlotte is trying her best to keep her mind off things, but there isn’t much an 11 year old can do to stop a contraction. 

She tries to breathe through it, but it hurts. They’ve got her on some Corticosteroid IV drip to help the twins lungs develop as best they can, but these babies are coming today. They’d given her another medication to slow the labor down two days ago, but the contractions were still present and now they were getting worse. 

She can tell Charlotte is nervous. She wasn’t even at the hospital when her brother Jack was born, so this is all new and scary to her. Hailey keeps asking her about the pictures to not only distract her, but herself as well. 

The twins pregnancy has been extremely difficult on everyone, but more so for Hailey. It doesn’t help that they were a total surprise. They hadn’t discussed having another kid, but she suddenly found herself pregnant, and now here they are.

She had spent the last month and a half in the hospital on total bed rest. She hasn’t walked more than 10 feet in ages. She’d had a seizure on the way out of the OBGYN’s office at her 6 month appointment, and they had rushed her to the hospital where she was diagnosed with eclampsia. It was a severe case and had gone unnoticed for probably close to two months according to the doctors, she hadn’t had any symptoms until it was almost too late. They were lucky to catch it when they did.

It ended up being one thing after the other. The seizures weren’t responding to the medications, and then her kidney function started to lessen. Jay had joked that the twins were trying to kill her, but she could hear the fear in his voice...she was scared too.

She doesn’t want to think about those things right now. She wants to keep thinking that the twins will be born healthy and safe, like if she says it enough times, it will come true. Once Jay gets here, everything will be better. She can do this as long as he is here.

“Where was this one?” Charlotte holds up the book so her mom can see the photo. Nothing in the picture looks familiar, and her mom looks really skinny...like sickly skinny.

Again, Hailey is glad for the distraction. She studies the picture and the wave of sadness that washes over her is instant. She doesn’t remember Jay taking the picture, or really any pictures from that weekend, but she recognizes the mountains in the background and knows exactly where and when that picture was taken.

_-_

She is going to hate everything about this trip. Jay said it was a healing trip, and she’s never heard of anything more stupid. She doesn’t know if things will ever go back to the way they were before this. One minute, they were planning on nursery colors and baby names, and the next, their world was crashing down around them. 

It was a little over a year since Jack was born, and Hailey was happily pregnant once again. Two weeks after the end of her first trimester, they had been back at the doctors to try and see if they could determine the sex of the baby. The baby wouldn’t cooperate the last time and they could not tell if it was a boy or a girl. They had been so happy, waiting in that room, her tiny bump exposed. 

When the doctors cheerful demeanor took a turn, Hailey knew something was wrong immediately.

“What is it?” Hailey can see the look on her face and it is not good. “I said what’s wrong?” She ignores Jay’s apology at her rude behavior, and her panic only grows when the doctor quietly excuses herself only to return a moment later with another doctor.

“Mr and Mrs Halstead, I’m Doctor Jenkins. I’m gonna do a quick ultrasound if that’s okay.” She hates the doctors sad smile, and now Hailey can tell Jay also feels something is wrong.

Hailey’s worst fears are confirmed when Dr. Jenkins turns the machine off and looks at them both. “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat. The fetus has died.”

It takes Hailey a minute to realize that the screaming is coming from her. She’s begging them to check again, telling them they are wrong. The baby was fine two weeks ago. They have to be wrong.

It takes a while for her to clam down, and when she does, they admit her upstairs. Jay leaves for a few minutes to call Hank and let him know what was going on. The doctors told her that because she was at 24 weeks, they would have to induce labor. Hailey shuts down after that. Her baby is dead...and they want her to deliver it...how do they expect her to survive this.

They send her home less than three days later and they have the nerve to tell her she can go back to normal activities the next day. She doesn’t say anything to them...to Jay, or Hank...she feels like she is underwater. Everything she does feels weighted and even taking a breath feels difficult.

When they get back home, Jay comes around the truck to help her and she snaps.

“Stop it! I’m not an invalid Jay. Just back off.” It’s the first thing she has said all day and the hurt that darkens Jay’s eyes barely registers with her. She is so lost in her own grief that she can see nothing else. 

He steps back from her and can only watch as she rushes past him and into the house. He can’t seem to reach her and he doesn’t know what to do for her. He breathes deeply to regain his composure, and then he follows after Hailey.

Hank is just coming out of the kitchen and he stops when he sees Jay.

“How are you holding up?” Hank reaches out and squeezes his shoulder, trying to offer his support.

He can’t answer. His lips pinch tight together and he does his best to not start crying right now. “It was horrible. She...she just kept crying through the whole thing and I couldn’t fucking do anything.” He’s never felt more useless.

“Just give her time...and be there for her.” Hank gives him another pat on the shoulder as he leaves, knowing they just need to be together as a family. “Call me if you need anything. And Jay? I don’t want to see you at the station at all the rest of the month, got it?”

Jay heads upstairs and checks his room first. Hailey isn’t there so he moves on to Charlotte’s room. He finds the three most important people in his life, wrapped in each other on Charlotte’s bed. Hailey has her arms around their two year old Jack, and Charlotte is pressed against his back, her arm stretched out across her brother and holding onto Hailey’s arm.

He moves towards the bed and just looks down at the three of them. Where Charlotte is a spitting image of Hailey, Jack looks much like Jay. His hair is strawberry blonde and he’s got the craziest color eyes. They remind him of sea glass. They are an odd shade of blue/green like his, but the shape is all Hailey. 

He wants to crawl in bed and hold them too, but the scene from the truck keeps replaying in his head. She doesn’t want him to do those things right now and that kills him. He doesn't know how to make this better. He leans down and kisses them each on their forehead. 

When he pulls back from Hailey, he knows she is only pretending to be sleeping. Tears run from her eyes and down her temple. He reaches out and gently touches her cheek. “I love you Hailey. I love you so much and I’m so sorry this happened. Please...just tell me what you need...let me help you.” He doesn’t expect a response so when her eyes open and stare into his, he jumps a little.

“You can’t help me Jay.” She pushes his hand away. “You can’t fix this...”

Her words are like a knife to his heart and he nods sadly at her and then walks out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

It’s almost two weeks of this and Jay is at his breaking point. She spends all her time with Charlotte and Jack and she seems to be putting on a brave face for them, but where Jay is concerned, it’s just a disaster. She either doesn’t speak to him at all, or picks fights with him over anything. 

He wants to tell her she isn’t the only one grieving, that he’s in pain too, but he knows it won’t matter. 

“Why don’t you let me take the kids for a week and you take her up to the mountains? Stay at my cabin up there. You guys can work on things without her hiding behind the kids.” Hank had invited Jay over for a couple beers and Jay is happy he came. The cabin is a great idea, and he hopes it helps them at the very least, talk to each other.

He tells her about the trip he had planned out with Hank the other night and she loses it.

“I’m not going. You can’t just decide things for me...tell me what your going to do with my kids.” Her chest is heaving, and if she wasn’t so angry, she’d realize what she just said, and how much it hurt him.

“This is...this is not okay...we can’t keep doing this Hailey. I can’t take much more of this.” He’s totally defeated. She’s shutting him out completely, and no amount of talking or pleading is working.

“YOU can’t take much more of this? I’m sorry...did you have to deliver a baby that you knew was never coming home? Did you suffer through hours of humiliating examinations and contractions for a baby who would never take a breath?” She is seething and it’s almost like she doesn’t even see him anymore. She continues to scream at him, and while she isn’t outright blaming him for anything, it still feels like that to Jay. 

He can only listen as she yells at him, and when she sobs out that she lost a child, he can’t keep his emotions under control any longer.

“I did too! I was right there with you that whole time Hailey. Don’t stand there and tell me these things like you were alone. Like you are the only one who lost a kid. I did too...you just didn’t want to see that.” He scrubs at his face, almost like he is disgusted that his tears have escaped, and then he is suddenly so tired and over this day. The kids are already asleep, and he doesn’t wait for a response as he tells her he’s going to bed. 

Sleep doesn’t come though. He’s been laying staring at the ceiling for almost two hours and he can’t stop seeing her face when he yelled at her, but how could she not see how much this was hurting him too...how much she was hurting him? 

He doesn’t move as the door opens and the hallway light filters into the room. His whole body tenses when he feels her side of the bed dip. She hasn’t slept in their room since she came home from the hospital, and she never comes in here while he is here.

“I want to go to the mountains with you.” She turns on her side to look at him. She can see his eyes are open. He says nothing, just drops his head a little to stare at her. Her throat works to form words, an apology for her behavior, but instead she starts to cry. He doesn’t move to pull her to him and she cries harder. She did this...she put this wall between them and she has no clue how to tear it back down. 

“I’m so angry...all the time I’m angry Jay, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to come back from something like this.” 

He turns full onto his side now, his arm reaching out to her. When she doesn’t pull back, he cups her cheek and tilts her head so he can really see her eyes.

“We do it the same way we’ve done everything from the beginning...together.” He moves his hand to her waist and pulls her to him, letting her get comfortable against him.

“Together...” The word feels strange on her tongue but she knows he’s right. She’d been so blinded by her anger and grief that she had missed the same signs in Jay. She only hopes he let’s her try to make things right again. “I’m sorry Jay...so so sorry.” She presses a kiss to the underside of his jaw and then curls closer to him still. For weeks she had just not wanted to be touched by him at all, and now, she can’t seem to get close enough. 

“I love you Hailey, and we are gonna get through this...I promise.” His lips touch firmly against the top of her head and rest there for a bit. He smiles when she whispers back that she loves him too.

They end up leaving the next afternoon for Hanks cabin and it turns out to be one of the best things they could have done. They spend a lot of time crying and talking and thankfully, there isn’t any shouting. Jay holds her tight every night and on the last day, he takes her for a hike. They spend almost two hours making their way up the mountainside and just when Hailey thinks she can’t possible climb another foot, Jay tells her they made it.

He hands her a water bottle and laughs a little when she chugs it down. He turns her around so she can see the view and he feels her body go still.

“It’s beautiful Jay.” It really is the most beautiful scenery she has ever seen. The mountain tops are capped with the deepest shade of green from tall trees and the sun shines brightly on the river as it winds its way through the valley below. They stay up there for almost an hour just enjoying the view. They don’t talk, but they don’t really need to. Jay is sitting on the ground with his back propped against a rock, and Hailey is resting between his legs. His breaths in her ear calm her, and she thinks if she didn’t have a life and kids back in Chicago, that she would just stay here forever.

When it’s time to go, she stands and stretches, listening as Jay follows suit. She looks out over the valley below one last time and tells Jay she loved this, and that she loves him. Just before she turns to grab her pack, he snaps a picture of her profile looking out. He wants her to remember this trip...this hike up the mountain...because sometimes the hardest climbs, the ones that seem impossible...are the ones worth taking.

_-_

“We’re here! I’m sorry, there was an accident on the way over and we just sat there for almost two hours.” Jay rushes into the room, kissing Charlotte’s head as he passes to Hailey. “How you doing?” His hand brushes back the sweaty hair at her cheeks and leans down to press a kiss against her lips.

She’s about to tell him that she’s hanging in there, but a contraction hits and she can only breathe harshly through it. She collapses against the pillows when it passes, and she tells him they are getting closer.

“Where’s Jack?” 

“He and Hank are coming up from the parking garage. I had him drop me off out front.” He turns to talk to Charlotte for a bit and not even five minutes later, another huge contraction hits. 

He’s worried...despite all the activity and exertion of labor, Hailey is really pale, and her breathing is starting to sound a little shallow. He presses the call button on the side of the bed and they wait for the nurse to come.

“Well, I see dad finally made it. You had us worried she was gonna do this by herself.” The nurse smiles and then reads over the latest printout from the monitor. “Let’s take another look on the sonogram and see if the babies have dropped, and if they are in a good enough position, we can get you to a delivery room.” She quickly sets up the monitor and then swipes the wand over Hailey’s stomach. 

Hailey watches the nurse carefully and her heart stops when she sees the nurses face change. All she can think about is how this can’t be happening again. Please God...not again.

“Hailey, Jay, Baby A has moved into a breech position. I’m afraid we aren’t going to be able to go with you original birthing plan. I’m gonna call and get you prepped for a C-Section. You’ll be holding your babies is no time.” She quickly wipes Hailey’s stomach and then leaves. Hailey holds on to the fact that she didn’t seem to panicked when she was leaving. She can handle a C-Section...she hadn’t prepared for one, but if that is what it’s going to take to get her babies here safely, she’ll gladly do it.

Hank and Jack come in moments later and he tells Hailey she is going to do great. “The kids and I will be waiting to meet the little ones okay? Just worry about you and those babies, yeah?” He winces as she grabs his hand through a rough contraction, and then kisses her forehead. “Love you...see you in a bit.” He takes Jack back from Jay and even though she is 11, he reaches for Charlotte’s hand to hold. He wants to keep her mind off what’s going on with her mom.

True to her word, the nurse comes back in less than 10 minutes later, and Hailey is prepped for surgery. She is wheeled into the operating room and she has a moment of panic when Jay doesn’t follow in behind her.

“He has to get a gown on honey. He’ll be right in. Don’t you worry.” The nurse smiles kindly at her and sets up the privacy screen. Her lower body goes ice cold before she feels nothing at all and then Jay is standing right beside her, gripping her hand tightly in his.

“Okay guys. Ready to meet your babies?” The Doctor starts the C-Section and Hailey holds her breath when he says Baby B is out. 

They wait for what feels like hours before the baby screams, angry from being taken from the warmth of it’s mothers body. 

“It’s a girl! Congratulations!” They flash the baby at Jay and Hailey before setting her in a incubator and hurrying her to the NICU. Baby A doesn’t cry and Hailey struggles to sit up. She needs to see her baby.

“Why isn’t he crying?” Her voice is shaky, and she fights harder as Jay holds her down.

“You have to lie still. Just let let them work.” Inside, Jay is pleading for him to be okay, but he has to keep it together for Hailey.

“Please! Is he okay?” She’s frantic and just when she is about to go crazy with worry, their little boy lets out the loudest wail she has ever heard. They show they baby quickly and then he follows after his sister to the NICU.

“You did it...you did so good Hailey. I love you so much.” Jay praises her over and over and keeps telling her how much he loves her. 

It takes a little longer to stitch her up, but thankfully there are no complications and she’s placed in the recovery suite within the hour. They let Hank and the kids in, and they wait together. Charlotte lays carefully in the bed and runs her hand up and down her moms arm. Even though she is only 11, she knows it’s not a good thing that the twins came at 7 1/2 months. She just wants them to be okay.

“My babies here?” Jack’s pudgy little hands play with the watch at Hank’s wrist. 

“Your babies, huh?” Hank and Hailey both laugh at that. Where Charlotte is much more quiet and cautious in almost everything she does, Jack is loud and comical. He repeats everything he hears and makes them all laugh with the random things he says. 

“Hopefully we can see them soon. Daddy is down with them now.” Hailey hates that she can’t be there with Jay. She knows he is going to take pictures for her, but it’s not the same. She should be there.

“They are gonna be okay, kid. You gotta keep thinking that okay?” Hank stands with Jack in his arms and moves closer to the bed. He takes Hailey’s hand in his and gives it a little squeeze.

“They are perfect. Tiny, but so amazingly perfect!” Jay comes into the room practically walking on air. He moves close to the bed and rests his forehead on hers. “The doctors are really pleased with how they are breathing. Neither one is on a ventilator right now. They said aside from the weight, that everything else was pretty normal.” He’s smiling like an idiot when he pulls back to look at her, but he can’t help it. The twins are somehow miraculously healthy. The doctors said they would keep an eye on their lungs, but that the twins would probably be out of the hospital and home in a month, just in time for Thanksgiving.

Charlotte and Jack both put up a little bit of a fight when it’s time to go. They don’t want to leave, and while Charlotte just sits quietly in the chair refusing to move, Jack throws the ultimate tantrum. It’s unusual for him, but they chalk it up to him being out of his routine and tired. Hank texts them before they even leave the parking lot gate with a picture of Jack, passed out in his car seat. He sends another one of Charlotte when he gets them home, sleeping with the blanket from her parents bed.

_-_

“Hey...Wake up.” Jay brushes at Hailey’s hair and whispers in her ear. He’s smiling at her when she slowly opens her eyes. “Come on, we don’t have a lot of time.” He lowers the bed rail and then as gently as he can, he lifts her up and sets her in the wheelchair he must have brought in with him.

“You ready?” Jay’s brother Will, peeks his head in and motions for him to hurry. He may or may not have bribed the NICU nurse to let Jay and Hailey in after hours. They only have 15 minutes to make it happen, but it will be enough for Hailey to see her babies and maybe touch them too.

When it registers where they are headed, Hailey’s heart rate speeds up and her hands start to sweat a little. She delivered the twins over 6 hours ago, and she will finally be able to see them. She reaches up to hold Jay’s hand that falls to her shoulder when they take the elevator to the NICU. She feels like a a little kid on Christmas morning and she can’t wait to see them.

She cries...huge silent tears fall down her cheeks as she looks in at her little girl and boy. Jay was right. They are absolutely perfect. 

“How are we feeling on the names?” Jay tucks his phone back into his pocket after snapping a quick shot of Hailey with both hands touching the incubators. They had some names floating around, but they thought they had more time to decide.

“I have a name in mind for him, but if you think it’s too weird, we can find another.” She isn’t sure how he will take the name, but when he tells her he’s pretty much open to any name, she tells him. 

“I’ve been thinking about Henry...after Hank?” She laughs because it looks like Jay just now realized that Hank’s name wasn’t actually Hank, but Henry. “I honestly was thinking it for Jack, but when I saw him, I knew he wasn’t a Henry...but this guy...it...it fits. What do you think?” She looks at him a little nervously, afraid he won’t like it.

“That’s a great name, and I think Hank will really love it too.” Her love and compassion for others never ceases to amaze him. “And don’t tell him I didn’t know that was his real name...I’ll never hear the end of it...”

“Now for this little one...” Hailey carefully touches her daughters hand through the hole in the side.

“Yeah, I kind of have one...I like Bea.” He watches the recognition flash in her eyes and then she is awkwardly reaching for him, pulling him to her so she can kiss him.

“I love it Jay. How come you never said that one before?” Her grandmother...the source of the only happy memories she has as a child was named Beatrice. The names are perfect matches and she already loves them both so much.

“Alright guys...times up.” Will had given them as much time as he could, but the nurse shift change is about to happen and they need get back. He promises to keep them updated if anything changes as soon as he finds out.

_-_

The introduce Henry and Bea to Hank, Charlotte, and Jack, a day later. Hailey is holding Henry when Hank comes in and he actually turns away when she tells him her little boys name.

“I know you said to forget about it years ago, but me wanting to repay you somehow was always there. I don’t ever want you to forget how important you are to me.” She holds his hand when he turns back, and this time he doesn’t hastily wipe his tears. She keeps his hand in hers and gently runs his fingers over Henry’s tiny head.

“You did good, kid. I uh...I always thought the chance for a namesake was gone after I lost my son. This is...There is nothing that will ever come close to what you gave me today.” He can’t stop smiling even through the tears of love and happiness. 

After Hank and the kids got to meet the twins, Hailey is exhausted. All she wants to do is sleep. She’s getting discharged tomorrow and the doctors still feel confident that Henry and Bea will be home before Thanksgiving. That’s a little over three weeks from now, and she can only hope it goes fast.

Being home away from them is really hard, but she goes and spends at least 4 hours every day at the hospital with them. Sometimes the whole family goes, but mostly it’s just Hailey. Hank had given Jay two weeks off to be with the kids while Hailey was recovering and being released from the hospital, but the city didn’t stop and he was pulled in for a case almost immediately after Hailey was released. She sends him pictures and little videos of the twins everyday whether he goes to the hospital or not, the team stops over whenever they can too. Hailey and Jay both are grateful for them. 

_-_

Her hands move quickly as she chops the celery for the stuffing. She hasn’t gone a single Thanksgiving since she came to Chicago without helping Hank in the kitchen. The only difference this year is that Hailey is cooking away with Bea wrapped against her chest. 

The twins passed the crib test last week where they had to hold their temperature all night without dropping. Jay had joked that they were Halstead’s and that of course they would rock the test. Now their whole family is together again, and they couldn’t be happier.

“Papa Hank, is it time to make the apple pie?” Charlotte stands just inside the kitchen and looks hopefully at Hank. He promised her she could learn how to do the apple pie this year. She already learned her moms secret whipped cream recipe, so she is ready to learn the rest.

“Just about, Charlie. Why don’t you wash up and we will get started okay?” He smiles as she hurries to the sink, eager to get started. While she is washing her hands, Hank turns to Hailey. 

“Listen to them out there...” Hank grins while he stirs a pot on the stove.

Adam and Kevin are arguing about a movie reference and occasionally Vanessa who got back two days ago, will chime in. Jack is happily babbling away to anyone who will listen to him, and Kim, Jay, and Henry are in the breakfast booth Hank has in his kitchen, talking.

“You did this.” Hank hurries to say what he wants before Charlie comes back. “You and Charlotte...and then Jay and Jack, and now the twins...you brought life back into this house.” He watches as Hailey smiles over at Jay sharing a look, before she looks back at him. “At the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, my house is full...and so is my heart, and it’s all because you decided to stay in the apartment all those years ago.” He pulls her into his side, mindful of Bea, and gives her a quick kiss to her temple. 

“You should thank Charlotte...she is the reason I decided to stay in the apartment you know.” Hailey drapes her arm around Charlotte when she comes back over. “She saw that swing and I saw a spark in her that I hadn’t seen in a long time. We stayed because of her and that swing.” 

Hank thanks Charlotte by grabbing her up in a hug and squeezing her tight. Even though he loves all of Hailey and Jay’s kids, Charlotte will always have a special part in his heart. Her love for him saved him. Someday he will tell her that.

They end the night with the now traditional picture of everyone crammed onto the couch in Hank’s living room. He had bought a new one after Jack was born, and it’s a little bigger. They still have to cram everyone onto it, but the extra room is definitely helpful. 

Hailey lets Charlotte set the timer because she doesn’t really want to run back to the couch with a baby if she doesn’t have to. They’ve gotten better at making sure they all look at the camera at the right time, but they purposely take a goofy photo to keep that tradition from the first couch picture going. 

_-_

Hailey and Jay’s house is full of pictures. Frames and photo books of all sizes are everywhere. The latest picture from Thanksgiving to make the wall is the goofy picture. Hailey smiles as she tells Jay to straighten it out a little, and then they both step back.

These pictures represent their life. Each frame and book holds a moment in time that got them to where they are today. Sometimes Hailey struggles to believe that this is her life, and then Jay or one of her kids will look at her, and she knows she will never be loved more than this. She’s a mother, a wife, a friend, and basically Hank’s daughter. Her life is more than she ever thought it could be, and she will spend the rest of her days, loving every second of it.


End file.
